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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Energy, please come back

Since January, I have been feeling the dread of work. The engine has run out of steam… FINALLY.

I used to uphold a positive attitude towards work.

The long hours and the infrequent meal times were nothing. I just worked as if I was not working. I love what I’m doing and I still love the kids. I did not feel like I was working. I did not feel like I was sacrificing a lot by staying so late to complete a task or to come back when I’m on mc. I did not even bother about the company compensating for my time as I did not think of all these as OT. I did not ask for any recognition.

In this contemporary time, employers hire people who work smart. Nobody would want to hire an employee who works hard. It just goes to prove that he or she is inefficient.

With that in mind, I felt so incompetent that I was not able to finish my tasks as quickly. I felt so inefficient.

Then sometime in February, some major changes in the company came and I was feeling a little stressed up. The one man show most of the time was eating into me. The awaiting to go into Uni xiao mei under me did help a lot but I was making all the major decisions.

I did not really turn to anyone for I did not see any major problem but the stress seemed to be building up insidiously.

I spent almost all my time at home doing marking that I had no other pastime. I mark till 3am. I mark till my eyes could not open and when I start to mark subconscientiously, I know I had better hit my pillow then. I mark while I’m watching tv. I mark while I’m eating. I only put down my pen when I have the chance to use the computer.

I am practically working for all the number of hours not spent sleeping and giving tuition.

I started to dread work and was beginning to feel normal. I know that my philosophy on work is abnormal. Normal people dread work; I must go with the flow. I once said in my closing entry of 2006:

“Everything has been very smooth-flowing. Sometimes too smooth-flowing that I’m afraid I would meet with a waterfall.”

This had to be one of the waterfalls.

I don’t know if my direct superior had sensed my negative energy at that point of time coz she had a talk with me. I don’t know if she’s afraid that I would leave but she said a lot of encouraging things to me. She thought I may be stressed up about the coming results of the annual appraisal of which that would be my first time and told me that it was natural for everyone to have butterflies in their tummies during that time of the year. Little did she know that I was not even affected by it all. I could not pinpoint what was the basis for my loss of energy and zest but the appraisal was the last thing on my mind. I shared with her that I would not think of leaving but I had lost much zest in work. I was simply not as enthusiastic as before but hoped to find back my energy.

It did not help that my most favourite P2 boy had withdrawn during the same time.

I tried to convince his mum to let him come back and eventually won him back. He was also very happy to come back as he enjoys the lesson very much. My favourite class would not have been my favourite class without him. I would have every Saturday to look forward to.

Then came the appraisal day and I was not at all excited coz I was so sick in my intestine that not shitting in my pants was all I had on my mind.

The positive comments from the directors and superiors, the excellent 360° appraisal, the promotion, the pay increment, the whopping jump since I first started less than a year ago … Like a little child receiving a pat on her head and some coins in her palm as a reward, these proved to be incentives which really jolt me a little and inject some steam in me.

I hope that the energy would slowly come back.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

You say stomach ache, I say intestine ache

I’ve been plagued by stomach ache since last Monday.

Actually as seen from the diagram, it is intestine ache and not stomach ache as we all know that our stomachs are located quite high up.

That night, after eating my 10.30pm dinner, I just sat at the chair without moving for the slightest movement seemed to be tugging forcefully at my stomach… I mean intestine… or is it abdomen? Actually, when someone is complaining about intestinal pain, we should know that it is in fact- abdominal pain, because rarely a person can tell exactly that the pain is originating from the intestine! All except me.

Yes back to my story… So I sat at my chair for 1 hour simply because I could not move. Then, I thought lying down may help so I peeled myself off the chair and hunched my way to the bed like an octogenarian. I could not sleep just yet as I still had my make-up and contacts on. I lay there for another hour with the pain not subsiding a teeny weeny bit.

The pain persisted on and off on Tuesday.

Pain, queasy and nausea on Wednesday.

The undesirable urge to shit… oops… I mean defecate every minute on Thursday and Friday.

Back to unbearable pain on Saturday that I had to stay at home and miss teaching my cute cute P1 and P2 classes. I look forward to every Saturday just to see my little cute cutes and my favourite P2 boy. Damn my intestines!

The nice lady doctor a few blocks concluded that I was having some problems with my intestines and prescribed some intestinal tablets and Lactobacillus acidophilus. They are what you call those friendly bacteria just like those residing in Yakults and Vitagens. Only that the ones she prescribed come in 10 billion per sachet.

Wooh! 10 billion of these swimming in my intestines.

It was delicious and I was so happy with my new drug that I could not help talking about it during lunch with kh. His reply was:

“Medicine also want to show off.”

Anyway, it’s no raw food (my sashimi and medium rare steaks!!!), no hot and spicy food (my chilli and curry!!!), no milk (what to eat my breakfast cereals with?) and no salads (Erm that doesn't really concern me) in my diet now.

“Huh? But I’m meeting my friends for Japanese food for dinner!” I whined like a fully grown baby.

“You can go. Just remember, no raw food, no ocha, no milk.”

“BBBut I love sashimi and green tea and their milky desserts…”

The nice lady doctor said I had better exercise more self-restraint or my pain would just persist.

I really suspect my pain would just persist for I am one with no self-restraint streak in me.

Anyway, I met up with em, hs and wy babes that Saturday night. How I miss them. Photos to be uploaded soon, I hope.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Cheers to Friendship!

Met up with my Gemini twin
Hey my dear angela. I was really happy to see you that night. I hope you are reading this. I'm so glad that at least you've been struck off from my missing friends list definition #1. *Big HugZ* =) I dunno whether you'll be staying for a few more years in the States or you'll be coming home soon but sincerely hope that all would go well for you!

Belated birthdays at Hogs Breath Cafe CHIJMES

Met up with 3 other st nicks band members to celebrate everyone's belated birthday except mine. Happy belated birthday to all of you!

So happy that everyone's still the same! Look almost the same, behave the same, talk the same as how we knew each other back then.

Sec 2 classmates Suyin and Candice!

The memories are coming back to me as I'm typing this. Candice looks so tired in photos but she's actually such a chirpy and chatty gal. Hey I dunno if you're reading this, send me your email @ ya?

Sam and me. Thanx for managing my finance from zero to something. HAHA! You are good! I still remember the time you approached me and I just blatantly said, "I've got no finance for you to finance."

We had great food! Juicy juicy medium rare steaks. Mmmm...

It was a nice meet up and "gossip" session. Never knew so much about all the people we know in our lives in a night. Who's getting married. Who's married. Who's pregnant. Who's working where. Who knows who. HAHA...

A toast to 11-12 years of friendship with this bunch of gals.

evan's advance birthday meet up at Billy Bômbers

The birthday bitch / bimbo. [Please circle]

Heh... ripped these off your blog, babe. Coz you look SOOOOOOOO cute in them and I don't have them on my camera. =P

Love this old fashion "jukebox".

My medium rare but turned out medium well done steak.

Her medium well done but but turned out well done beef patty burger.

I forgot was it her guy or my guy who said, "You all should have exchanged, then only one of you would be upset."

I can never get enough of medium rare steaks. Although visibly upset that I didn't get my medium rare, I pretended I was happy.

I love my underused girly bag so much that I had to take a picture with it! Love this kind of illustrations... evan even thought it was Jordi labanda. Haha...

And yes my dear, in reply to what you said... you are most welcome! We'll meet up after you are back from Egypt. Don't bring back any Mummy's curse ok? We've got a lot to catch up, I don't wanna die so soon.

Birthday celebration for 2 Khatib branch colleagues

The Khatib branch people are such nice people.

It has only been less than a year but it doesn't take long to know how nice people are.

A toast to frienship,

I need a laptop and I need it now!

I hate it when I type type type and then without warning the computer shuts down by itself.


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