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Saturday, October 31, 2015

Halloween is when the darkness in me arises

I've been neglecting my blog because I simply had no energy to craft a proper post.

I've not been very active on social media due to all the busyness at work.

For weeks, I lack exercise, I eat unhealthily, my body is obviously not happy.

Then when all the hecticness simmered down, I got really tired of certain things in life and went on a social media hiatus for a week.

Other than all the little negativity in life adding up, I've been feeling down to the state of being depressed more recently. I felt as if I had hope and then it was robbed from me, leaving me with a scarred heart. I literally felt so much pain in my heart that I thought I could die from it. It was so much more intense and painful than all the gastrointestinal pain that I get almost every day.

I'm very good at masking my true emotions at times. Facing the world and pretending that I'm okay is what I do best once I get past the crying stage till there is no more tears left for that moment.

However, it really is difficult to pretend at times. I had to share my feelings with some friends.

Other than that and acting perfectly normal to the people I see every day, I felt the dire need to simply shut myself up from everyone else for a while. I didn't respond much when these friends checked on me every now and then and said that I'm not my usual self on message medium.

I mentioned this before. I do not really like writing emo stuff on my blog, Facebook or Instagram. As far as I always assert that there is beauty in melancholy, I do not believe in affecting other people with my emosity and creating negative energy through my writing whenever I'm upset. Besides, I'm always known by others as a happy and positive person.

I asked my hub recently, "Why do people always say I'm so happy and positive?"

He replied, "That's because you always hide your sadness from people."

I realised that I need to acknowledge sadness, deal with it accordingly and then heal. As I have learnt from the movie Inside Out, it is through sadness that people could seek for and experience joy.

So I'm not going to care who is reading this. I'm going to be upfront and acknowledge that I've been sad. If I don't be open about it, I won't be able to heal well.

It's been a week of trying to deal with sadness and I'm making good progress. I need to overcome more hurdles as I slowly rebuild myself. Hopefully, I would be back to normal soon.


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