Monday, May 09, 2005

For Mum who will never read this

For the past few days, I’ve been wondering what to get for Mother’s day.

People who have been talking to me these past few day would have known that Mum has been really very annoying lately. Even if you haven’t been talking to me these few days, you would know that Mum is always very annoying in my eyes most of the time.

Recently, she keeps on singing praises of one of my friends who bought her mum jewelry for Mother’s day. Heck, our parents should never have made friends with each other! (Friend, I know you read my blog and please don’t be mistaken, I’m not mad at you or anything.) She kept on saying my friend is going into MOE teaching and her pay is almost $1k higher than mine. Afterwhich, she goes on to tell me that friend A’s daughter bought what what what for her mother la, and friend B’s daughter’s boyfriend brought her out to eat at where where where la. And she goes on telling me stories EVERYDAY, after coming home from work and tuition feeling exhausted, fuelling more angst from me against her.

I find her really very irritating and I’m always very rude to her and curt in my replies whenever she tries to make small talk and peep at my computer screen just to find out what’s wrong with me for the past week. She even gesticulate with exaggerating actions to my sisters to “tell” them that there is something wrong with me and to find out what’s wrong, thinking I can’t see her stupid actions from the side of my eyes.

Despite feeling very irritated by her, I know that deep down she actually cares a lot. But I just can’t help feeling very irritated with her with all her expectations and what nots and when she does all the comparisons.

I really didn’t know what to buy. Money seems to be the best gift. Every mother’s day and birthday, I would give her money as that was the most practical, only to have her complain that we never give her anything. Sometimes I feel so wronged.

This year would be something different. I thought of getting her SK11 so that her skin can go “doink doink” like Sandy Lam’s. Her answering machine can also go “I’m doing facial so I can’t come to the phone right now.” Exactly like how Simon Yam’s wife Qi Qi’s answering machine would go. Then all her friends can gush about her fair and radiant and wrinkle-free skin and enquired if she has undergone laser treatment just like how Sammi Cheng’s friends would gush about.

And when I’ve finally made up my mind, she demanded $500 from me as monthly jia1 yong4. I was mad!! I was really very mad. Since when have my contribution increased to $500? I’m paid peanuts and I contributed more than $1k last month and the other month and all the other months coz you were really in need of money!! And all of a sudden my monthly contribution became $500, not even counting those I gave you each time I get my tuition pay? You compare us with your friends' children who are earning loads more than us. Have you even stopped and think how we have stopped taking pocket money from you since school days and how we worked or give tuition to earn our pocket money at the expense of our studies?

I would be glad to contribute more, but please understand that I don’t earn that much. Moreover, I’m already an adult who needs my own savings too. I don’t want to end up like you all.

I was so mad that I parted with the wad of cash very unwillingly and told her “I’ve got no more money to buy you anything for Mother’s Day.”

She went into her room and cry silently… Something which is out of the ordinary because usually she would cry openly and wallow herself in self-pity and start lamenting on her fate and how heartless we are.

Although I’m still mad at her, I felt bad yesterday and decided to buy her a cake and throw in some cash in the voucher envelope that came free with the cake. I got my sis to throw in some cash too. The actions were subtle but she was really very happy and I felt happy too… For making someone’s day.

Mum, I know I was rude to you again just now. I know you love all of us a lot and we love you too. Just that our actions and speech don’t really indicate this. We all have different ways of showing our love. You happen to show your love and concern in ways which irritates us. We show ours in ways which upsets you unwittingly. But ultimately, we all love you.

9 comments:

  1. Your post is like an echo of my thoughts. My sentiments exactly!

    It's really sweet of you though to bear your soul here. I for one will never do something like that because I have weirdos visiting my blog nowadays. SIGH. Perhaps I should switch to livejournal instead.

    Anyhow, I'm sure your mum knows deep down inside that you and your sisters do love her, regardless of how rude and curt you are at times. :)

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  2. i share your thots. I quarrelled with my mum on mother's day night, can you imagine? just an hour to end the day, yet we quarrelled.

    sometimes i think they dont understand what we're going thru, that we have our dreams to fulfil.. it's not like they've not been thru our age before right?

    but we do love them alright. only we dun express ourselves well.

    sigh.

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  3. by the way, i'm just a passerby.. i like reading your entries.. :)

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  4. hi...sad to say, no one can be perfect in this world...each one of us plays different roles each day and our roles also changes as time passes by..like a daughter becoming a mother...some will play particularly well in certain roles while others may not...just cherish your mum while she's still around..deep down inside her, like you said, she knows you and your sisters do love her :)

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  5. old folks are like dat, your mum is kind of sensitive I suppose.

    They got nothing much to do the whole day, once you are back from work, they like to find opportunity to chat with you.

    I just brought my whole family n in law for a lunch buffet. hehe..

    Its easier than says done, but try lohz.. they so old liao mah. Usually I try to make good to amend wat I done.. small chat (even when I am dead tired), buy some goodies before I come home.
    Like just now, my mum may not notice I have not bath at 12mn, (just came back home at 11pm).

    Start to chat with me happily about her day.. hehe. Its also an excuse for me not to bath.. yet.

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  6. To reg,

    Eh hey... wat weirdos? Did I miss anything? I went to view your blog.. ok leh.. Except for some anon, who sounds like the same person, who writes comments tt doesn't make sense la. But I don't see any wolves or irritating people unless those weird comments were in your tag boards.

    Yes.. in a way.. I think we have similar views on our "annoying" mums.. juz that ur mum can take ur rudeness and mine would juz cry n feel she is the poorest mummy in the world.

    Talking about bearing souls, Sometimes it gets abit tricky trying to write what I really wanna say. I know there are many strangers out there reading my blog. You know how particular I was previously on controlling readership rite? It was slightly uncomfortable initially when people read about my life but some of them left really sweet comments and even became "regulars".. it's a pleasant feeling to know someone appreciates what you write when they visit your blog. Maybe you can start "making frenz" with them on the internet realm.. Of coz there are the wolves too la but juz ignore them lor.. Ü

    To pea,
    I hope you have made up with your mum. Quarrels are inevitable. Sometimes thay are good coz it's betta to trash things out than to avoid the issue and feel more pent up. Quarrelling is also a form of communication. Far betta than someone who doesn't communicates with his or her mum at all rite?

    I believe every child loves his or her mum no matter how much they don't show it. It's like something inherent in all of us and we feel needn't be shown too much. But sometimes when we wanna show it, it'll be too late, yet we are too stubborn to do anything now. Gee... I'm like contradicting myself.

    To van,
    Yes you are damn right.. I hope everybody would be able to see it this way. Then , there would be less unhappiness in the world.

    To bwilly,
    You sound like a really nice son and son-in-law... Haha... Ok la if my mother tells me about her day or when she complains to me about certain things, I do listen .. coz it's good to have someone listening to her.. but when she starts telling me things to hint then I'll get totally pissed off. And that's exactly what she has been doing these few days.. and as I'm typing this, she has already come into this room a few times on the pretext of talking to me but she is actually trying to glance at my screen. Grr... but I managed not to be rude to her.

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  7. Don't upset your mum too much no matter how irritating you feel she is. She is sick right? Do try to accomodate her at times.

    Work at the expense of your studies?? My goodness.. & u r from rjc?? U r really good.

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  8. Oh shucks it must be me and my impending MOE doomsday. Sigh. Tried to tell her that sometimes MOE isn't as good as it seems but she went on to talk about softerners instead. Sigh.

    Well my dear, at least you have two siblings to share the load with. I don't. And I'm still wondering how much I should give her. I guess after my dad retires I'll probably have to become the breadwinner. With my koyak pay? I wonder how.

    Sigh. It's never easy i guess :( bear with it :|

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  9. To pup,
    I'll try... Ü

    To yiz,
    Share the load? Hmm.. There are actually alot of other stuff and issue, but thanx for trying to tell my mum. Actually she's quite ok with my current job la.. juz tt she doesn't ustand why I dun wanna go into MOE which pays much higher.

    Abit sian of this job liao... =(

    ReplyDelete

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