Monday, March 07, 2011

I am so tired

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[picture credit: via weheartit]

I'm once again running out of steam.

Someone once asked me... actually, make that a few someones.

A few someones once asked me how I managed to stay at work till so late, have so much life out of work and still come in to work every day looking so fresh. I think it's all in the state of mind and slapping on make up of course. Some black eyeliner and mascara and I look super awake. Some BB cream and blusher and I don't look too haggard. I think they did not catch me at my sleepy hours in the afternoon where even toothpicks would break under my heavy lids.

My state of mind isn't at its optimum level recently. Positive thinking doesn't work once more. The last time this happened was a few months back. I'm tired physically and mentally. I wish I could just lay in bed and sleep for hours and days.

Work is killing me AGAIN. I've been handling everything so well since the formation of my new my dept till the CNY where we lost quite a bit of speed and could never catch up since. It doesn't help when on top of all our regular tasks, new tasks have been assigned at an exponential rate. The many HOD meetings, dept meetings and just so many other meetings have been zapping lots of work time away too. To be fair, the meetings were most of the time fruitful but they can't make up for lost time. I haven't even gotten on to all the trainings, presentations and talks.

I'm so sleepy at 1.30am and it's a mean feat for an insomniac to be sleepy at this time. It's a great cause to celebrate for it seems that my body clock has resumed its state of normalcy. Yet, I'm not able to sleep as I've yet to finish my work. I thought I've gotten it all worked out by settling all my personal stuff this weekend and pushing whatever unfinished work away from Sunday by going into office earlier in the morning but silly me forgot that I've got a crucial lesson in the morning to attend.

I'm starting to feel really disgruntled coz it dawned on me that I would NEVER EVER be able to fulfil half of my goals which I've set last April if I don't do something about the current situation.

On a happier note, I attended the wedding of a good friend of mine earlier and it was such an enjoyable evening. It was a lovely wedding! It started way earlier coz we had some surprise for her. I hope it made her day. On the downside, I think having too many good friends is not easy to juggle. Someone "big" at work told me that I've got too many friends and too many activities happening in my life that it's difficult for me to balance work life, family life and social life and not feel drained. You know what? He is so damn right and I don't like it. Even though he says life is not all about work and it's very good to include my family and friends, I do need time for myself as well. Actually when he said that, I wonder if he really meant it otherwise.

I'm contemplating making that huge decision which I've been wavering on and off the past few years. We'll see how it goes.

For now, I would just sleep everything away.

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PS: Thank you all for reading, commenting and following. I truly appreciate all your thoughts. Pardon me if I take a long time to get back to you during this period. I might be going on a short hiatus here to get my balance back. I will continue to check my email for notifications and read your messages from there.

Adios!

9 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear that, Jo! *hugs*
    I can relate to how you feel, but when I have too much on my plate I'm reacting differently from you: I might get a tantrum *lol* It seems I can't handle stress very well & that's quite a problem to be honest.

    No I feel a bit dumb because I just tagged you: http://tabathasrefugium-tabatha.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-was-tagged-i-got-blog-award-d.html
    You really don't have to do answer this tag, I totally won't blame you if you don't!

    Unfortunately I don't have a solution for your problems, work shouldn't be the most important factor in your life, but of course it often is, though :-(

    xoxo

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  2. Oh I know how you feel! I hope you're able to get passed the exhaustion. I go through phases where I'm unstoppable but then it catches up with me. Usually one complete day of rest recharges my batteries and then I'm back to my normal. : ) I wish the best of luck to you!! ; )

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  3. Be careful, even a young person like you needs rest--and I need your make-up tricks to look awake in the morning. =) I'm working too much also...I've cut way back on socializing, but I need balance. I hope we both find it.

    Take care of yourself!!!

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  4. :( sometimes when positive thoughts don't work, you just have to keep trying and not let that go >< cuz otherwise it's just gonna start plummeting...

    on the other note, I wish I had that many friends to find it hard to balance between my work and social life :P

    I do hope you get to have a day to just rest and catch up with your sleep though! take care Jolene~

    PS: what is the big decision you're making? or are we gonna find that out later?

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  5. do you mean quitting your job??

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  6. Don't worry,

    Your faithful readers know that you read EVERY single message even if you dont reply.

    Poor you. You should sleep and recharge..Have a good break.

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  7. Aww take it easy Jolene - you shouldn't overwork or stress yourself out. Sounds like what you need right now is a well-deserved vacation. I kinda have to agree with what your co-worker said though - it's very time consuming to keep a large circle of friends. Personally I prefer to have just 1 or 2 close friends rather than a large group of acquaintances anyway. Take your time in winding down - your health and well being should be your top priorities right now :)

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  8. Jo... I mean when I say this, TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. If you need to take time off from blogging to fit in "me time", DO IT. You will NEED it. Trust me. I've been taking time off for myself recently and I'm trying to learn more on relaxing and focusing on myself. Juggling life is crazy and isn't always as easy as others make it seem. Don't overload yourself. If you need to take time off work, maybe take a 3 day weekend or a mini weekend vacation. With family and friends, set a number of times or dates you'll see them. Instead of spending the whole weekend with spending time with family and friends. Spend one day with family or friends and the other day for yourself. Just some tips.

    I'm sure you will be able to make it though this hard time. Keep your head up and don't give up. <3 It gets tiring being positive all the time and it's sometimes nice to just be bummy and relax. Just don't sink down too low. {*HUGS} Feel better soon.

    Side note: I LOLed @ "toothpicks would break under my heavy lids." I totally pictured a cartoon version of you with toothpicks snapping in halves. {*HAHA}

    SO if you need to take time from blogging and what not, go for it! I should be here too unless I decide to go MIA myself for a little while. =p

    <3 S.

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  9. Tabatha,

    Oh! Please don’t feel dumb. I should feel honoured that you tagged me coz it means that you thought of me! *silly grin*

    Thanx for the comforting words. It means a lot to me. =)

    ~~~~

    Nicole✗✗,

    “I go through phases where I'm unstoppable but then it catches up with me.” I so totally feel the same! Thank you for the kind and comforting words. I feel almost better knowing there’s someone who feel with me.

    ~~~~

    Rick,

    Haha... I’m fast approaching an age that is not considered young anymore but maybe as compared to you, I am. LoLz... kidding kidding... so mean of me! Haha.. The thought of you needing make up tricks is so funny. I hope work would be kinder on you too and may we both find our balance soon.

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    Frances,

    I totally agree with the plummeting part. I experienced that just a few months ago which was my last major illness and it’s not a pleasant feeling knowing how tiring it is to keep up the positive thoughts. Letting it all go and falling sick seems a lot easier.

    I think I’ve caught up with some sleep. I’ve got a 3 day mc but the 2nd day is my off day and I’m going back on my 3rd day (later today).

    P/S: Big decision is pending. When the time comes, you’ll know. =)

    ~~~~

    Anon,

    Mama told me never to talk to strangers. =P

    ~~~~

    Squeeze the Pug,

    Thank you, dear. I do think I’ve enough sleep on the 1st day. Unfortunately, I spent my 2nd day of MC/off day finishing up a powerpoint slide to email to my colleague and I’m really lousy at powerpoint so it took me like 6-7 hours to get the slides done. I did sneak breaks in between though.

    ~~~~

    Rinny,

    Vacation sounds like a good idea! I wished I can take it as and when I clear my work but it doesn’t work the same way as other companies. My friends do get their long 2 weeks forced leaves regularly and they would be zipping off to various countries which I could only dream of.

    Oh as for friends, I have lots of good friends or close friends belonging to a clique or to different cliques so meeting them up once a while is fine. There are some who I only meet up once a year so actually it’s not too much. There is a handful I meet up more regularly nearby for updates and dinners. I guess my backdated photos tend to give people the misconception that my social life is very happening. I’ve got lots of co-workers on my FB and the photos on my FB are even more backdated as compared to here and hence leading them to that conclusion.

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    Serena,

    “It gets tiring being positive all the time and it's sometimes nice to just be bummy and relax.” I totally agree with that! I experienced that just a few months ago which was my last major illness and it’s not a pleasant feeling knowing how tiring it is to keep up the positive thoughts. Letting it all go and falling sick seems a lot easier.

    Oh I really wished for even a short vacation but it’s very difficult to plan esp since I’m already thinking of a long one to Europe sometime in autumn. Many of my friends have given up on me for going on short trips with them. Even the family too. Nevertheless I’m determined to bring my parents overseas on an all-expenses paid trip as they’ve been working so hard and not going on holidays for about a decade. I will work towards that and my long-awaited Europe trip.

    Thank you for the sound advice and the virtual hugz. Feeling warm and fuzzy now.

    ReplyDelete

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