Thursday, February 26, 2009

I'm not superwoman

I have this sudden thought that I'm very lousy.

People always tell me how capable I am to be handling so many things at one go, how I could juggle work, tuition and private life so well 24/7 and how they have always known me to be strong and determined etc. However, I don't feel that I'm like what they've described at all. I'm not that zai3 you know?

I get more and more emails and sms from friends and strangers telling me how they really appreciate me doing so much for Cynthia and Charmaine and how they think that it's really admirable. Truth is... I don't really think I'm that competent and there's really nothing admirable about it. I'm just doing what I wanna do.

I'm running a temperature with a headache. I was on my way to work when I had to step outta the mrt and take the opposite direction coz my mum was screaming and shouting that she could not find her keys at home. I then decided that I was too exhausted and I needed to go home to have a good rest.

I'm so lethargic whenever I'm working and I suffer from headache and nausea every single day. I cannot finish my food every meal. I sleep 2-3 hours every night and I just cannot get myself to sleep more. There is simply too many things to do than to sleep.

I pushed back my wedding preparation, pushed back photoshoot date and basically pushed back everything. The only consolation was that we managed to squeeze in ring fitting and meeting of PG and VG.

I have many understanding people around me, especially at work. I've got nice colleagues to help me ease the workload a lot and a compassionate superior who totally understands my situation. In fact, I feel so bad that I can't really give my 100% at work. I kept taking half days and time offs. I still owe my superior a very important doc and I've been pushing back the deadline.

Now that exhaustion have taken a toll on me, I feel like I'm really very lousy. Truly capable people whould be juggling everything all with ease whereas I'm struggling to handle everything. I just wanna do things which I want but I obviously cannot do them well.

Kh said, "You think you superwoman ah?"

The doc said, "You think you superwoman ah?"

I guess I was dreaming that I could be superwoman.

Ignore me please... I'm rattling off and I hope to feel better after the ramblings.

On a happier note, Cyn's friend has contacted me and we would be working together to spruce up charmaine's weblog. We are looking into making the site more user-friendly and adding more details of the treatment costs. Everything would be more transparent so please rest assured that your donations would be put into good use.

A little goes a long way. We would be more than thankful with any amount you donate so please spread the word around.

Feisty Char needs bullets to fight!

16 comments:

  1. Hey jo, please do take care of yourself!

    Char needs you!

    Just dropping by to let u know I am still your silent reader... bleahz..

    Hugz
    CZ

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jolene,
    Came over from ourfeistyprincess. I hope you don't find me intrusive but your blog is linked from many places and I took the chance to view this private blog of yours.

    You are doing very well handling everything and doing so much for your friend Cynthia and your goddaughter Charmaine. You are truly amazing and I have full respect for you. Please don't be too stress up by everything and do take care.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Even if you are not superwoman, you are already doing very well. I pray for Charmaine and Cynthia and for their family for strength.

    Passer-by

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ooii woman.. must take care of yourself ya? Jia you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. you disable comment on feisty so here i am -

    Hello Jolene,
    yes it is a big matter definitely to write in to TNP . I think for them to do an article / feature of an appeal to donate , an interview with Charmaine's immdediate guardians such parents would be inevitable. I think U and your friends are doing alot for charmaine / cynthia and family by setting up this blog . But this is really time consuming and I presume Cynthia has a regular job too . She will have to keep her job , no ? in order to continue to pay for Char's treament somehow . Some families want to do it on their own as a pvt matter ( for such cancer cases) and may be shy to appeal to teh public for help .But , by setting blog already and hoping that to generate funds for her medical care, isnt it almost the same ? Writing in to TNP , in my humble opinion just takes it to a national level . Cynthia will defintely need to speak to the press, for verification purposes. NO harm trying . I think u can call them directly 1800-7334455 speak to someone and get things moving. - J

    And btw , I think you are a rare gem , a true friend to do this for cyn and char!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Take care Miss Loh. Whatever it is, you must try to sleep well.

    Cheers and best regards,

    Iceman

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Jolene,
    Somehow I found your blog somewhere. Sorry to invade into your privacy. You may think that what you are doing is nothing great but there are many of us reading ourfeistyprincess who really appreciate you setting up the blog for people to know about Charmaine and Cynthia progress.
    I think you are a great friend! Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey babe, take care of yourself ya? I know it must be grueling, having to attend to so many things at the same time, but you need to rest to be re-energized!

    I read that Charlene is helping you with the e-mails. If the load is overwhelming, I can help with that too. Don't hesitate to let me know if you and Cynthia require any other assistance k? Im pretty sure I can manage as long as it's not too mind-boggling. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Another fellow coming here cause of feistyprincess. Take good care of yourself as you have to be strong and healthy for Charmaine and Cynthia.

    I read many of the godkids labels and I must say that you are truly a supportive friend and a great godma to the kids. I can also see that Cynthia is a great mother. Do you mind me asking about the kid's father? I notice something amiss in the photos and what you wrote in one of the comment to Cynthia but can't be sure about what I feel. If you don't want to reply on this, its alright.

    I will always be going to ourfeistyprincess more more updates on the little princess.

    - WL

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanx everyone for all the words of encouragement! Gosh... they're getting long. I've been reading but I've been occupied with managing Charmaine's stuff to draft a proper reply to all.

    Those of you who stumbled here coz of ourfeistyprincess, hope you'll leave a name or pseudonym as I woouldn't be able to differentiate if there are too many anons around. Thanx!

    I'll be back...

    ReplyDelete
  11. hi dear girl,
    do take care of yourself please.. take some time out if u can ok?

    <3
    hoping and praying with you
    sy

    ReplyDelete
  12. Zanne,

    Thanx! And also thanx for helping me to reply the insensitive anon before I even got home to read all the comments.

    Oh and now I know your sis is also my silent reader. ;P

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Angeline,

    Thanx for your kind words! Web control is tough. My blog is no longer that private. As long as you come here with no malice, I wouldn’t mind.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Anonymous / Passer-by,

    Thanx for keeping cyn and char in your prayer.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    lian,
    Taking care taking care! No worries! Thanx.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Anonymous / J,

    Aiyo… my blog really so easy to find ah? Anyway free comments settings for ourfeistyprincess is up but seems like nobody dares to leave comments anymore.

    I don’t think setting up the blog to generate funds and generating funds from the media is almost the same. Although the blog has already gained popularity on the internet realm, it is not as public as featuring it in the press. Moreover, as stated in my more recent post, I reiterated the fact that the sole purpose of the blog is not to generate funds.

    I know that you are concern for us and mostly for charmaine. However, we do not want to take this issue to the national scale. Cynthia does not want to subject Charmaine to the media limelight.

    We would still keep our options open and in times when we are really desperate, we may consider giving TNP a ring. Thanx for the suggestion and for providing the number for us to call.

    I’m not a rare gem. It’s only right that good friends should help each other. =)

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Iceman,

    I dunno why I’m addressing you lidat. Your blog name is an antithesis of your real name manz. Ya… sleep well so that I got energy then you can disturb me and I can retaliate if not so not fun rite? Think I dunno! I cannot help but feel miserable that the exchange is so unfair. Hahaha…

    BTW you sure you wanna post using your blogger ID here? I dunno how many people have stumbled to my blog. =P

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Anonymous,

    Invading my privacy is ok if you leave a pseudonym next time.. Haha.. As long as you come here with no malice, I wouldn’t mind. Thanx for your kind words.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Reg,

    I told myself today would be an early night.. But the time now is 2.53am… How to re-energise?

    Thanx for offering manz. That’s really sweet of you. Currently, we are able to cope quite well. No worries eh? If I need help next time, I would know to call you. =)

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Anonymous / WL,

    Thanx for the kind thoughts.. I’m trying to take good care of myself.

    I think it’s not too appropriate to talk about the kids’ father here as I do not want my emotions to run. I’ll pass on that.

    Do continue to read Charmaine’s blog for updates.

    ReplyDelete
  13. yinkoh

    Sorry to miss you out! I was typing with my eyes half shut then.

    Thank you for keep Charmaine in your prayer. Yep I will take some time out coz I must settle my wedding stuff the next 2 weeks…

    Oh yes and thanx for offering to put up a gig to raise funds. When we are really desperate, I'll know to look for you. =)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Its okay. I understand if its not convenient to say out. I was just curious. Thats all.

    - WL

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous/ WL,

    =) Maybe I'll reveal some day.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ~Copied and pasted from tagboard for remembrance~

    27 Feb 09, 12:44
    Cha: U are doing great. and i hope ur friend too. Life always throw us with challenges when we least expect it. Keep on going and u will see light There is always a reason for something in life26 6

    Mar 09, 00:28
    Jo to Cha: Thanx for the encouragement. All along I tot u r my gd fren Charlene until she told me she din leave this tag. Haha...

    ReplyDelete

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