Please help me pray for little Charmaine

Last updated 19th February 2009

Dear friends & readers,

My cute little god daughter, Charmaine, has a 12cm tumour in her liver. From tests today, it's confirmed to be cancerous.

It is too big to be operated on and the doctors are holding back lots of information. We're all very worried.

She is still her cute and active self albeit a few tubes pierced into her small little veins. Tomorrow, would be the day when more tests would be carried out which may include a few minor ops. By then, she would not be her usual self anymore and it really pains me to have that thoughts.

To all who read this, please help me to pray for her well-being.

Thank you very much.

Sincerely,
Jolene

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Backdated Sunday, 15th February 2009

Decided to surprise little char with a Barbie doll and some other toys.

Took a long time choosing a Barbie doll. 21st century Barbies suck big time. They look like bitches, sluts or trannies with their huge slanted eyes and gaudy eyeshadows, pouty glossy lips and much too high nose bridges. Let's not even go into their fashion sense, which all along had actually been a disaster only that it had been overlooked since Barbie was gorgeous then.

Was enthralled by the DIY wooden toys and finally decided upon a dining table set which consisted of a table, 4 chairs and a cabinet which doors could be opened and closed.

Rushed to KK with chicken rice in toll. Little Char was craving for chicken rice after 3 days of porridge diet. There was no food restriction then.

Lil Char looked tired when I arrived. She was lying down looking very nua. I was shocked as cyn told me that she was still quite her chirpy, cheeky self since being diagnosed with a tumour in her liver.

Upon hearing that there was chicken rice, she immediately brightened up. We were all so happy to see her having such huge appetite as she ate the most during that meal out of the 3 days there. She looked so cute each time she opened her mouth so big to ask for more.

She was doodling on many pieces of paper and playing with us (cyn, cyn's relatives, maid and me). I was glad to see her back to normal.

She also fiddled with her Dora lunchbox with kokokrunch inside and told me that she had been saving it for korkor. So sweet!

After she was done eating her portion, we told her that there would be a surprise and out popped Barbie. You should have seen that joyful look on her merry little face as she gave a delightful squeal and said, "BARBIEEEE!"

That clever girl saw something else in the bag and asked if there were anymore surprises.

Just then, cyn’s family arrived. Jase was so interested by the wooden toys that he wanted to open it immediately. He politely asked mei mei if he could open and mei mei agreed. Really very sweet.

In no time, we were all constructing little chairs, tables and cabinet with the relatives going “so cute” every now and then.

The 2 kids did many sweet things. They hugged and kissed each other and I even heard lil char say, “Kor kor I love you.”

Lil char was well-liked by the nurses there. Whenever, she took a walk around the ward, the nurses would call her and she would turn and flash her cute smile. They kept walking to the height measuring chart, each being so happy to almost reach 110cm and 100cm.

I carried lil char every now and then coz I really dunno when is the next time I would be able to carry her normally.

There was once she asked to come down. Hence, I squatted to put her down. When she had both her feet on the floor, she flung her arms around me and gave me a BIG and LONG hug.

It made me all so warm and fuzzy. However, I felt like crying when I felt her huge and hard tummy.

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Backdated Monday, 16th February 2009

Cyn broke the news that lil char’s tumour is found to be cancerous.

Went online to search for info regarding liver cancer, printed them out and digested them whenever I’ve got the time on the mrt.

There was a mixture of positive and negative results and outlook. I concentrated on the positive ones.

We have to remain positive and strong.

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Updated Tuesday/Wednesday, 17th/18th February 2009 midnightish

Just came back from KK with my parents. Little Char was sound asleep with her back facing up. She had her "bone marrow extraction" in the day. I dun exactly know the scientific term but I found out that it was for conducting tests on the sample.

Cyn showed us the huge plaster across char's lower back. It pains me to see the small of her back being plastered like that.

Cyn said that char was still quite feisty as usual. When she woke up after the op, she was unaware of what had happened. She seemed oblivious to pain if there was any and could even get up and walk. (Ketamine was given)

It was only at night when she felt the plaster behind for the first time. She became conscious and from then on, she felt the pain and started being very grouchy.

Lil Char would be undergoing a biopsy on Thursday where tissues from the liver would be removed and taken for tests.

I hope she would be strong enough to endure the pain and the after effects.

On Monday, docs found a tumour growing outside the liver on the lymph node. Whether the tumour is primary (coming from the liver itself) or secondary (coming from other organs but has spread to the liver) or has spread from the liver to other parts cannot be confirmed even till now.

For now, we are all hoping and praying that the tumour is primary.

Thank you all who replied my sms:
gera, char, ems, hs, pauline, joyce, monica, kevin, lian, evan, yihong, sam, junie jie jie, viv, maggie, candice, wy, suyin, wx, sandra, canny, yiz, reg, elsa, bwilly, shir, sunny, pris, cheryl

I haven't been able to reply and thank everyone.

Thanx for keeping lil char in your thoughts and prayers. Thanx for asking for her name. Thanx for sending your regards to cyn and char. Thanx for all your care and concern.

I was quite touched that I teared on the mrt.

Please continue to keep her in your prayers.

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Updated Wednesday, 18th February 2009

Received news from cyn this evening that the bone marrow test result is out... there are traces of cancer in the bone marrow too. This sucks coz it really complicates things a lot. I was still hoping for only the liver to be affected and that it would be primary.

=(

At that time when the sms came, I was out shopping for my bridal shoes for the photoshoot.

My heart was stirring with such emotions that I really could not hang outside any longer.

I was angry.

REALLY ANGRY that such a thing could happen to an innocent child.

WHY must it be Charmaine?

WHY must it happen to Cynthia who had already undergone so many turmoils in life?

I'm online now and I don't even dare to google for bone marrow cancer coz I'm afraid of what I would have to read.

I don't even wanna go to the hospital now even though I'm not bogged down by work coz I have to be strong for cyn... and I know I cannot face her now with my tear-streaked face and wavering voice.

I'm not as strong as before, not as positive as before.

But I have to be...

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Looking at all the photos of Charmaine now...

2006

slowly but surely walking and getting used to sand under her feet






2007

basically a play day at their place





This video never fails to put a smile on my face.



2008

an outing with cyn ended up with me missing them and dropping by to play with them





char's birthday celebration





poser queen



such a cute family







Many more of her cute poses in the zoo entry.


2009




Theses are the latest photo I have of char taken during this year's cny at my place. Looking at the photos make me feel like updating my blog with backdated entries again.

Seeing the photos really cheered me up a lot. =)

She's so cute and cheerful always. God will definitely bless her.

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Updated Thursday, 19th February 2009

Charmaine had her biopsy op this morning. It was a 4-hour procedure.

Besides the biopsy, cyn informed me that an "equipment" was inserted/hooked around the heart to "release chemotherapy stuff" to see if her "cells are receptive" to it.

The equipment is a kinda "port" to draw blood from. Subsequent chemotherapy would be input to the body via this port too.

The double quotation marks ["...."] are added as I'm explaining it in layman's term and that my explanation could be inaccurate.

Charmaine has been transferred to the children's cancer ward after the op. None of us like it there. The nurses are quite strict and unfriendly. We can perfectly understand them for being strict as the environment is definitely different. However, being rude and unfriendly is another matter.

Number of visitors is definitely restricted too.

When kh and I arrived, char was cradled in cyn's maid's arm sleeping. Cyn's maid informed us that cyn had just gone to take a shower. ONE thing to be thankful for is good maid who has been with char since she was a baby. I can see that she really loves her a lot.

Char's hair was drenched with perspiration despite the air-conditioning. She was clearly in great pain! Her mouth was opened and she had to breathe with the aid of an oxygen mask which was held near her nose and mouth by cyn's maid. They were doing that the whole time after the op. Her stomach and other organs had to be pushed slightly upwards during the op which are pressing upwards onto her diaphragm resulting in her difficulty in breathing.

There were many tubes on her wrists and toe linked to various machines which showed readings I didn't quite understand. Fortunately, cyn understood what the readings meant and this she found out with the help of another friend. The nurses simply asked her not to bother and were often chiding her. With her new-found knowledge, she could easily monitor char's breathing, pressure etc.

Cyn told me that when char woke up after the op, she was in such great pain. Cyn assured her that she was gonna be alright and the feisty little char said "ok". She's such a darling.

They also tried breathing together naturally w/o the oxygen mask to try to reach 100 on the screen. However, after a few minutes, char complained of giddiness. So poor thing.

Cyn also promised char that she would not to cry anymore and she was doing quite well till she spoke to me about the latest updates on char's condition. Since cyn promised char not to cry, I must also be strong and not let my tears flow.

Char's emotions has been greatly affected from all the pain and turmoil. She knows that she is different now and as a young child, she is unable to understand why this is happening. She is unable to express herself clearly. She is unable to control her temper and is highly irritable. She does not like many visitors and would often throw her temper when she sees new faces.

She woke up halfway and I didn't even dare to go near her for fear of aggravating her. She was aware that I was around as she was eyeing me with great pain and irritation as I smiled and waved to her at a distance. Jase went up to tell her "I love you" and she screamed with irritation.

Why does a young child have to go through all these?

Cyn's frenz and bro did a lot of research and from all the results so far, we suspect that Char is suffering from neuroblastoma. This is worse than primary liver cancer. With tumour found outside the liver on lymph nodes and nerves with traces of cancer in her bone marrow, we braced ourselves that char could possibly be in the 3rd or 4th stage.

Next Monday would be the day when the doctor would sit down and have a talk to cyn about all the reports and results. We really have to brace ourselves for the worst possible outcome and yet at the same time hope that we are so damn wrong.

Meanwhile, we're also looking into natural healing for cancer with a change in diet. So far research on this have been quite positive.

Thank you xtina, tif, anson, jw and sushi for your smses. I may not have replied to everyone of you but I definitely appreciate all your care and concern.

Thank you maggie and june for following up on char's condition even tho we only knew each other from LD. Sorry june for the inconvenience today. Cyn and I are glad that you understand.

Thank you evan for all your efforts and tots of doing something meaningful for cyn and char. Very sweet of you and do keep me posted on the "something meaningful" updates. It's also really very sweet of your colleague to buy a care bear even though the relation is so distant. Do help me thank your colleagues and the one in the cell group too. I'm really speechless with gratitude for the concern shown by total strangers.

Thank you to all the dames in LD who left messages on the thread and for the pm-s.

Thank you to all who left messages here. You know who you are.

Thank you to colleagues who know about this matter and for your concern.

Thank you to my family members for caring and supporting.

=)


NB: Actually many people mentioned here dun have my blog url or have stopped coming here but I still wanna leave a mark on my blog to remember by.