Thursday, February 26, 2009

A sudden conviction... Is that a sign?

If Cynthia had clearly made up her mind and stuck to what she last informed me a few hours ago, Charmaine would be starting on her chemotherapy tomorrow or rather, later today.

Yes, yes people who talked to me would know that I'm not a great supporter of putting Charmaine through chemotherapy with only 10% chance. Cynthia used to have the same thoughts too. Even her pragmatic brother who used to always go by treatments backed by doctors and hospital (in cyn's words) was also having 2nd thoughts about putting Charmaine through chemo. On Monday, we just kept thinking of alternative treatments.

I really hate all the side effects of chemo which would cause Charmaine to be a totally changed person. We really could not bear the thoughts of putting her through all the pain, changing her lifestyle and subsequently, her character.

I cannot bear the thoughts that the strongest chemo would be used on Charmaine who is just a little girl. I cannot imagine all her healthy cells being killed and her organs affected. I cannot imagine confining her at home. (She is not allowed to go out as her immunity system would be low and she is forbidden to play with other children as well.) What kind of life would that be for our active little girl?

There were certain incidents which threw up new light and made Cynthia decide that putting Charmaine through chemo is the best option. I would think that Cynthia's decision would be prudent as she knows what's best for her daughter and I totally support her decision.

This is quite random but being the 10%-is-akin-to-0% chance Jolene that I am, I suddenly had a very strong conviction while having warm water running over my head. A conviction which tells me that miracles can happen. This conviction rang so clearly in my mind that I truly believe it's a sign.

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