An Intensive November

As mentioned before, November has been a whirlwind month.

With the weddings of two very close friends and being part of the bridesmaid entourage for both weddings, I've been really busy. In between was my Phuket trip with the BFF. All other pockets of November were filled with meet ups to discuss and plan for parts of the wedding, impromptu meet ups with various groups of people and many many errands --both planned and impromptu--  to run almost every single free day. There isn't a single day where I stayed at home and lazed for the whole damn day. I've been getting 2, 3, 4 hours of sleep each day without replenishing them with naps and frankly speaking, I'm really exhausted.

The hubby would finally be back from the seas on the last day of November and I foresee spending lots of time with him to make up for the lost time the past 3 months. Then half a month later, we would be going on our long-awaited honeymoon to London and Paris! Wee!

Actually I'm sorta bumped that our trip got postponed due to his sudden unforseen circumstances at work. If he had not been delayed, it would have been our 3rd day in London today.

I have planned the timing to fit into my schedule without affecting the weddings, my classes and some personal goals too much. Nevertheless, it is fine to embrace change, the unforseen circumstances and the random happenings in life. Things haven't been going their way but no matter what, we would always be able to work our way around them at the end of the day. =)

I'm having a really full plate but I would continue churning out some posts. Gosh... I stopped backdating from April's updates. At this rate I'm going, I wonder when I would ever be on time for my blog.

I would also attempt to do some scheduled post to keep my blog running during my trip so that you lovely friends and readers would not see virtual cobwebs here.

Thank you all for your heartfelt comments on my dream of Charmaine. I really enjoyed reading what some of you shared.

Like a true blue Gemini when it comes to split personality, I would be emo one minute and happy the next so please do not worry too much for me.

Look out for more regular posts in time to come... I HOPE.

Dreamt of you...

I think I'm ready to share my flashes of dream about Charmaine.


Before I continue, I've to say that my tear ducts have been malfunctioning till now since Charmaine's cremation on the Sunday of 23rd October.


I simply have no more tears in me, not even tears from yawning.


I simply have no more tears in me, not even when I listen or read about sad news.

I simply have no more tears in me, not even tears to lubricate my eyes when my contact lens got stuck one night. My whole eye was red but stil, there was nary a drop of tear.


I'm one with such active tear ducts that my tears would streak down my face even from yawning. I cry when I watch sad movies. I sob when I read or listen to sad stories. I tear very easily even when I don't feel sad at all which I hated coz I hated my tearing to be associated with weakness until I realise and come to embrace the fact that strong people cry too.


It's only human to cry.


I felt a little abnormal when I had no more tears in me the next day. For a period of time, I tried looking and relooking at the tons of photos we have taken throughout the years. I rewatched all our crazy videos from when Jase and Charmaine were just toddlers to pre cancer days and after. I read ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com coz Cyn has never ever failed to move me to tears with all her emotive words.


I felt like an android devoid of human feelings when I attempted to rediscover my lost emotions.


I've not told anyone snippets of the dream except to Cyn mommy coz I wanted her to be the first one to hear of it, not caring whether she would cry from it or not. Anyway, she has been laughing and crying every other day which is pretty normal. I thought that by relating to her the dream face to face, my floodgates would open. It didn't.


On to the dream.


I don't exactly know where we were in the dream, probably in Cyn's house. Putting myself in dreamscape, I knew it was cyn's house but I don't have any recollection of the setting at all.


Somehow in the dream, we all know that Charmaine had passed away but she was still around at times. When I reached their place, Cyn told me charchar was still around and so I asked her where.


"You will be able to see her if you use your heart to feel," cyn answered.


I felt my emotions stirring and as if magic dust was sprinkled into my eyes, there char was sitting on the sofa with her cheeky little grin and waving to me.





"I CAN SEE HER! I CAN SEE YOU CHAR! Can I hug you?"


I was delirious to be able to see char in her cheeky self, healthy and all.


"You have to keep using your heart and everything would be real," Cyn reminded.


I kept my feelings there and went over to hug charchar.


I could feel her in my arms. I felt her physical body. I felt her warmth. Then, everything seemed to gravitate away from me.


I woke up and stared a while in the dark room, making out the silhoutte of the things in my room. The hubby wasn't around and I was all alone on the bed, feeling so lost and lonely. I think I felt a little tear drop on the outer corner of my right eye; just a tiny little drop before I drifted off to sleep.


I didn't remember my dream immediately; but when I awoke, I knew I dreamt of her. There were hazy images but after a week, I was finally able to put them all together now.


I'm expecting myself to cry when I get all of these out in words.



I don't feel the tears coming and I don't like it.

I do feel the detachment and the distance and I don't like it.


Despite all these, it doesn't change the fact that I still love you, charchar. I prefer to think of it as you sprinkling some magic dust on me and healing my rather active tear ducts, giving me the strength not to cry at every little thing anymore.


Thank you Charmaine for doing so.


Godma Jolene will always love you.

You know blogging has taken you to a whole new level when...

you go to one of your bestie's house only to have her godbrother/ cousin asking,

"You're that famous blogger right?"

*flips a backward fall and faints*

I've to keep emphasizing that I blog but I'm not a famous blogger so now he addresses me NaFB aka Not-a-Famous-Blogger. -_-|||

As requested... My not so drastic new look

Some blabbers and sleepy state talk

I've been meaning to get this post up since I got home but I was settling so many impromptu stuff with my in laws that I've only managed to just settle down to blog with my eyelids half opened.

My domestic helper is flying back to her hometown tomorrow, no actually in a few hour's time but heck my "tomorrow" only starts when I wake up. I dunno if any of you even know what I'm blabbering about.

I've really grown quite fond of my domestic helper. She's really quite cute and I started to talk to her a lot recently. She's also very honest and I could safely let her clean my room and NOTHING would be stolen, quite unlike the many previous domestic helpers whom my in laws employed over the years.

So I'm sending her to the airport tomorrow as both my in laws could not make it and that would mark the start of my 1st errand to run for tomorrow. I've got 4 errands and meet ups in total tomorrow that would take me from morning till night. Have I already mentioned that the time now is SGT5.52am?

November has been a month of randomness and a whole lot of excitement which started right up from Halloween at the end of October to the wedding of 2 very good friends and being their bridesmaids, to the random last minute fun in Phuket with the bff and to all other randomness in life. I'm actually exhausted by all these random fun in life and how I CRAVE for a mundane life now! Like really C.R.A.V.E. and M.U.N.D.A.N.E in capz.


Our new look

It was such a fun filled day today with cyn mommy and godson jase and there's simply too much to write about the entire outing. I will do the entire post another day. I entrusted my camera to Jase who took loads and loads of artistic shots and inane videos so you can expect a post chock-full of photos that do not make sense.

Meanwhile, here are some before and after pictures of cyn mommy and me as requested.

Before... black hair was becoming boring and fringe too was untidy.



Before... Actually cyn already looked kinda pretty even with inches of natural regrowth hair at the scalp.



I only dyed and cut my bangs... Not much of a great transformation much to the chagrin/ relief [Circle correct answer] of many.

After...



This colour I chose would fade to an ash tone after 2 weeks. It was evident on the stylist's hair and I opted for it coz of the after-fade colour effect. Let's hope it works the same for my hair!

I love how the stylist managed to cut the bangs and wispy sides which I want! I absolutely love it that I kept tying up my hair. Jase loves it too! He was actually quite horrified initially after the hair wash.

He shook his head and said gravely, "Godma Jolene, you look too Americany!"

Yeah, new vocab from him!

Then after my hair was blown straight, he squealed, "Look like straight hair Japanese girl! I like."

This boy seriously better not become a smooth talker and heartbreaker next time.

After... Pretty mommy and godma with our new hair! Mommy also cut bangs coz her hair was flattening out.

Once you go black you'll never go back

I risk assigning such a provocative title to this post. If you even knew the meaning to that phrase up there.

Fear not, this post has got no kinky connotation at all.

After going long, straight black for quite a long time, I've decided to change my hair colour/ style/ whatever you call it.

In case you've forgotten how I really look after all the Halloween make up and all, just click on my recent posts or look at my profile picture on the right side bar.

Yes, I used to sport un-black hair since I was 15years old. All shades of brown, blonde, golden lion tamarin, red with blonde streaks, any colours that did not require bleaching, all sorts of length, rebonded, permed, natural, with bangs, side swept, long, I've tried them.

Been spotting a light brown hair phase for the longest time ever with varying lengths and bangs.







I don't have digital photos of those from schooling days so yes, you don't get to see the red and the streaks.

2006 was the year I tried everything, totally spoilt my hair and got depression. Yes, only bimbos can fall into depression because of hair. lol

I dyed the lightest shade of blondish brown I've ever tried which led to people calling me golden lion tamarin. Actually those people were so wrong coz a golden lion tamarin has fur which is not golden but reddish like this.

Hubby Kh love my long blondish brown straight hair with bangs back then coz it matched my tan a lot and he loved it when I tied it into a ponytail.



And then when he went overseas, I got it permed the old fashion way and totally spoilt my hair. He hated me with curls but I didn't care coz it's MY hair. That was the time I got hair depression. lol... coz the perm plus recent colouring was so damaging, my hair was breaking mid sections. Moreover the curls weren't as lovely as the tonged kinda curls you see in top left photo of the collage below. They looked bad like the bottom ones.



That year, I also got accepted into a new company which once again entailed teaching and the bosses were initially unsure about my hair colour. However, I must say my inner teacher persona outshone some physical ah lian hair colour. Students loved me not only for being their cool teacher but for my teaching itself.

By the end of 2006, I got so sick of my dry-looking blondish brown that I dyed blue black. (I think... I can't really remember which black came first)



My friends were so used to my non-black Chinese hair that nobody could quite imagine how I looked like with black hair and advised me against dyeing black then. They thought I would look really weird. Even after I dyed blue black and subsequently ash black, the black would just fade like crazy on me after some time and I would wind up with coloured hair again and people would ask, "I thought you said you dyed your hair black?"

It seems like black isn't the way to go for me back then.

Here's how the blue black faded... and then I rebonded my hair and cut bangs coz I was sick of my curls.



I didn't know what went wrong but the straightness did not last and soon my hair became like this. Needless to say, I fell into a hair depression again. My hair then was neither straight nor wavy so I just had to wear my hair in a self-twirled manner or tong it during special occasions. The black also faded like crazy and I wound up with non-black hair again.



More black roots growing which still looked fine. I hated black roots back then but I found these acceptable coz at least my hair looked healthier then. Had bangs, grew them out, had bangs again.



Then I itchy fingers went to perm my hair once more. This time digital perm. I dunno why my hair looked brown in the bottom left picture. I think I dyed an ash black here.



I stopped colouring my hair after that and began to embrace that black is the new black.

I didn't look too bad in black hair with side swept bangs right?



After that I rebonded my hair again and sported blunt bangs. During this time, more people from friends to relatives started saying I look like Fann Wong once more. Yeah, Fann Wong also spotted the ugly blunt bangs look that year so I took that as an insult. lol... On normal occasions, that would be a compliment to which I always reply, "Yeah, I'm the uglified version of Fann Wong." The last time someone said I looked like her was like in year 2000?



Then I had to colour my hair again for my bridal photoshoot as all the people at the bridal studio asserted that brown hair looked better in photos. I didn't wanna go back to my blondish days so I opted for a darker shade of brown which I liked a lot. I'm done with dumb blonde days.

Kept a side swept fringe for the photoshoot...



but cut them again  for my actual wedding day. I didn't exactly like my bangs on my wedding day but I like it when they grew out as seen in the other pictures below.



After many years of not using DIY hair dye, I decided to give Liese Bubble hair dye in ash brown a go and I absolutely LURVE the way it turned out! It's exactly the kinda brown I like. Check out all my NYC travel entries.

But after a few months, it faded to orange which I absolutely detested! I didn't include the ugly orangey shade photos here but you could click on beginning 2010 to see pictures of the ugly orange.

I also had the most expensive bangs and sides cut in my life. USD$30 not inclusive of tips yet but I absolute loved it. None of my SGD$2.50 -- $5 fringe cut salon could imitate the same cut I did at a hip Japanese salon in New York.



From end 2009 onwards, I stopped chemically treating my hair and allowed my natural black hair to grow without rebonding or perming and I love the state it is now.

Now that I've been sporting a full head of naturally black hair, every group of friends who met me would comment on how they like me with my healthy black hair and how this look suits me so much, using flattering adjectives like "posh", "classy", "chic", "elegant", "mature" etc.

All the past positive adjectives  used to describe my un-black days like "sporty", "fun-loving", "cool", "beach babe" etcs have since been replaced by "You used to look like a/an __________________________." [Fill in the blank with SPG, ah lian, wild child, unserious playgirl... wtf is a playgirl?]

Ever since my god daughter Charmaine's passing, I made a pact with cyn mommy to go do our hair together. She was really in dire need of prettifying and pampering herself after 2.5 years of looking after Charchar and never leaving her side.

Doing our hair together was something which we've always planned to do so we're both really excited about it. Cyn mommy has already booked an appointment for us tomorrow afternoon and we simply cannot wait for tomorrow to come. Jase has been going round telling everyone that mommy and godma are going to do hair together and leaving him at home coz he would be bored at the salon. lol... Jase had promised us that he would be good and would not mind waiting even 5 hours at the salon for us. What a sweet gentleman! There would be so much to catch up on just within a span of a few weeks of not meeting.

Kh loves my current look a lot and asked if there was really a need to change something. In fact, all the friends I met up with recently except for a clique were in the same voice as kh.

To quote somebody close, "I love your current straight black hair with bangs look to match your bitchy but smoking grey eyes."

Bitchy? Thanx ah. Smoking grey? Yeah!

I wonder what would be my decision at the salon tomorrow!