R.I.P Miyo

My sweet little cat Miyo left us suddenly yesterday due to suspected heart attack at a young tender age of 2 years 4 months old.

She’s still a kitten in Ragamuffin years, my sweet little baby cat. I’m too distraught to accept the fact that she’s no longer around. I love Miyo too much to just go on with life normally. I really don’t know how. The last time I cried so much and continued crying for days and weeks, and could not really function well was when our family cat Simba passed away 11 years ago. I love Simba a lot as a family cat and I love Miyo at a totally different level coz she’s MY cat and it’s too sudden.

Miyo is not just a pet. Miyo is not just a cat. Miyo is FAMILY. I always jokingly rank her #2 in my life, after Baby Ash and above the hubz. She is very much a huge part of our lives and my most loyal companion ever since we moved into our own home. She has always been so sweet and affectionate. When Baby Ash arrived, Miyo showed love to Baby Ash like a big sister despite having Baby Ash taken away so much time and attention from her.

This month, Facebook Memories has been surfacing lots of posts of Miyo when she was a kitten 2 years ago coz that was when we moved in and brought her into our lives. I was documenting her little adventures a lot as an affectionate and playful kitten. She was my best companion, always keeping me company through days alone at home and bringing so much joy to both the hubz and me. There weren’t many memories of her 1 year ago coz that was when I was very sick with HG and couldn’t take care of her well. I was sad but then I thought it’s alright coz we could make more memories of Miyo and Baby Ash as they grow up together over the years. I never expected that this could never happen anymore.

It’s too sudden. It’s just too sudden. I keep blaming myself, wondering if I could have prevented her death even if it was an unexpected heart attack. She hadn’t been successfully coughing or vomiting out the hair ball deep inside for months. She hadn’t been eating well the last few weeks. She wasn’t enticed by food anymore. She was significantly thinner but otherwise still behaved normally. The only abnormal act was that she started licking the corner of the toilet under the sink quite a lot when there weren’t any insects or anything. We don’t wash our toilets with chemical products so I don’t think that contributed to anything. Other than the above, she was normal and healthy. She would still engage in play. She still followed me wherever I went and would lie down near wherever I was.

During her booster jab visit, I told the vet about her recent changes and he assured me that her weight increased from the last visit and that if she was still behaving normally, it was fine but to monitor her.

She was quite lethargic after the booster jab which coincided with the days that Baby Ash and I were sick but I was too sick to really look after her that well. She became better the last 2 days and ate more, though still less than her usual.

I just bought a whole carton of can food and even bought more expensive separate ones to entice her to eat when her appetite became poor for the last few weeks. I bought more hairball treats when she refused to take the Laxagel from the vet.

I kept blaming myself, wondering if she had choked on her hairball and collapsed during her grooming session. I should not have proceeded with grooming with all her recent signs but I thought that shaving her fur would prevent future hairball problem.

I kept blaming myself for I imagine that the last few moments of her life must have been very traumatizing since she dislikes grooming like most cats. I really should not have proceeded with the session with all her signs. It’s all my fault and I wished I could turn back the time to make the decision to groom her at a later date. It’s all my fault!!!

We used this team of 2 groomer’s service 3 times and I prefer to believe that they have handled her as professionally as they should have. I was shell shocked when they told me she collapsed and stopped breathing.

As we carried her and drove to the vet clinic, we suspected that she had gone but I still clung on to an invisible wisp of hope that the vet would be able to jump start her little heart again. Her pink nose turned pale, her body became limp and lifeless but still, I tried pumping her little heart. She was still very warm and so very young...

When they told me she was indeed gone, I just couldn’t take it and begged them to jump start her heart. We aren’t sure what actually caused her death but the vet said that sudden deaths in cats are usually due to heart attack. The vet, my family, kh consoled me that I could not have prevented her heart attack. I don’t know... my heart is so painful. The wrenching feeling is terrible. My head is gonna burst from all the crying.

I don’t know how long I would take to heal. I feel so guilty towards Miyo. Had she lived her life happily before she passed on? I tried thinking of all the good things I did for her amidst the neglect since Baby Ash’s arrival. I felt very guilty towards Miyo so I’ve been pampering her in different ways. We used to not allow her in our room but I’ve been letting her into our room. I allowed her to continue sleeping under the toilet sink just so that she could be near us while we slept, leaving the doors ajar for her to eat and use the litter box. I stopped scolding and beating her for pooping on the floor or being on forbidden areas. I fed her full can food meals and no dry food so as to entice her to eat. I picked her up to hug her a lot more recently when she showed signs of being sick. I asked kh to sayang her more the night before. But are all these enough?

Sometimes I wonder if she loves me more than I love her. She’s not your stereotypical aloof selfish cat. She just kneaded me and licked my face 2 nights ago. I’m very glad that I sat down and spent time with her that night. She is so sweet and understanding. Despite the neglect, she seems to understand that Baby Ash is an important family member and appeared protective over her like a big sister. I don’t know why such a sweet cat had to go off so early. She’s still a baby herself.

Every part of the home reminds me of her. I wish I could see the slightly ajar door opening wider from her pushing and trying to get into the room. I wish I could see her playful paws coming out from under the door. I wish I could hear her scratching the door frame, the corner of our bed and anywhere she always scratches. I wish I could look down to see her tail tail-ing me. I wish I could continue to see her lazing at all her favorite spots.

I cleared her unfinished can food and washed her food and water dish the first thing I got home. The rest of her stuff are left intact. I don’t even know if I should vacuum the last remnants of her fluttery fur that had gathered in their usual tumbleweed fashion. The impending balcony ziptrack installation was partly for Miyo too. There are too many memories of her every where.

I’m reading your texts but not replying. My floodgates had already opened thrice with phone calls from both sisters and my mum. I simply do not know what to say. I am so tired but I can’t sleep well at all. Memories of Miyo would flash through my mind and I would start bawling my eyes out.

My family reminded me that we have given Miyo the best life she could have and she has touched many people’s hearts. She has even changed non cat lovers’ minds about cats. She brought so much joy to those who follow her adventures and met her. I’m very thankful to everyone who recently visited my home for Baby Ash and continued to show attention to Miyo too. Miyo is my furkid and just as important as Ash.

I know I have to move on but I’m too distraught. I need more time to grieve.

Original post in my Facebook page here.
Post on @iamjolene.
Post on @miyo_kitty.

Bubble Bump Bubble Bummed... Why Bubble Bump Soccer Is Not That Safe As Claimed

Disclaimer: I wrote this because of my own unpleasant experience and I'm in no way holding anyone else responsible for my injury but myself. I hope that anyone intending to play bubble bump would take note of all that they should know which isn't stated on the website and make a well informed decision of whether to go ahead with the game.




Two months ago on the Friday before Chinese New Year, our department had a Bubble Bump Soccer sports event after the department CNY lunch.




Some of you may have known that it was from playing Bubble Bump Soccer with my colleagues that I injured my knee and have never fully recovered till now. My closer friends also know that this knee injury has contributed greatly to the bouts of feeling upset about my overall health and physical well-being.




Let's look at some fun and happy pictures first before I elaborate more on how if I could turn back the time, I WOULD NEVER have played this stupid game.

This picture is fun coz everyone was spontaneously dressed in either black or in CNY bright colours like red, pink, orange and yellow whereas our boss was in between in shades of grey.




There are a few places to play this game in Singapore. We played it at The Cage @ Kallang. Before the game, there was safety brief and game instructions by the facilitator.




It was initially really funny to see my colleagues being bumped and rolling around. There were also instances of being flipped completely upside down with legs flailing in the air. Everyone outside of the cage kept laughing at the silly sight and some even took videos to enjoy after the event.




However, it wasn't exactly funny once you are in the bubble suit. Each game lasted only a few minutes and by then all of us were drenched in sweat. Unless you are some Greek god, there is no way you could play two consecutive games in a row. We definitely had to take turns because it was way too tiring.




Besides Bubble Bump Soccer, we also played Bubble Bump Invasion which was the more "violent" and competitive game.




Now we come to the 5 reasons why I hated being in the bubble suit:

1. The bubble suit was damn smelly even after disinfecting. I almost died from the stench. It didn't help that the straps were fabric and most of the stench came from there. 
2. It was really hot in the suit. Your perspiration would just flow out like the Niagara Falls all the way from head to toe. 
3. I could hardly see through the suit even at the transparent parts. 
4. It was very stressful on the body, creating severe strain even after a mere 5 minutes. For somebody who had been exercising regularly, I felt a huge strain on my neck, shoulder and back even with the safety straps on. In fact, the first bubble suit I was in had a practically useless pair of straps that kept slipping off my shoulders. The facilitator had tightened it to the max but the straps still kept slipping off. In the end, I had to use lots of arm muscles to lift the bubble suit to compensate for ineffective straps. I cannot imagine how this game is bearable for people who do not exercise regularly.
5. The loose straps caused lots of velcro chaffing and totally spoilt the surface of my brand new Puma dri-fit top. 

The next and final bubble suit I had was much better. Straps that fit. No sweat stink except for chemical plasticky smell. Slightly lesser strain to neck, shoulders and back but same amount of sweat. This suit made the game more bearable until the accident occurred.

~

The Knee Injury

A colleague bumped into me and as I "flew" up, I felt and thought I heard a pop in my left knee. I felt as if my whole calf had pushed into my thigh thus creating a trauma in the knee and that pop sound.

As I lay down on my back flat in the bubble suit, I felt severe pain in the outer knee as I started to hyperventilate in the very stuffy suit.

Nobody knew what happened initially as there was a lot of commotion all around and it happened in a flash. On top of that, most of my colleagues' gaze were on the other side of the field where something unpleasant was happening too.

Now, the trick to getting up in that silly suit whenever I fell was to roll over with belly down and to kneel my way up to a complete stand. For the many times I fell, I could easily do that even with the whole weight of the bubble suit on my neck, shoulders and back, and with the restrictions at the thigh area.

After lying there with nobody noticing that I was having problems, I tried very hard to stand but I couldn't. I used every ounce of energy left in me to roll to my knees with all my might. I tried heaving myself up by alternating my legs, only to have my left knee give way and collapse each time I put pressure on the left.

My next instinct was to wiggle myself out from the bubble suit. I thought that with the weight taken off my body, I might just be able to stand.

With the hyperventilating, I was running short of air in the bubble suit. I knew I had to get out or I might just faint in the bubble. Yes, there is a hole at the top and bottom. But when you have been running around in a plastic suit all drenched in sweat and with heat radiating from your body within the bubble, you would definitely feel short of breath easier.

I tried very hard to wiggle myself out and when I was finally out of that stupid bubble and tried to walk, I crashed down onto the ground. I thought I was too tired and tried to stand again, my left leg trembled and gave way as I collapsed onto the ground once more and then the third time.

I then realised that I could no longer feel anything in my left leg as I witnessed my left leg trembling nonstop.

By then, some colleagues saw that I was sitting on the grass trembling and hyperventilating and started scrambling to my side. I tried to speak but no voice came out. Nobody knew exactly the extent of my knee injury as I kept pointing to it without speaking. I had never ever felt anything like this in my life. It was a mixture of pain, anguish at not being able to control my left leg and fear of what was happening to me. I felt incapacitated, like my left leg wasn't mine.

~

Why Bubble Bump Is Not That Safe

This game is claimed to be safe for both the young and old as long as you follow the simple rules or have no back injuries or other severe physical injuries.

I seriously beg to differ.

This game has since caused lots of injuries to physically fit people. After learning about my knee injury, I have friends telling me how people they know had sprained their ankle, twisted their knee, hurt or strained their back and neck and dislocated their shoulder from playing the same game!

My TCM and my friend's orthopedic doctor confirmed that this game is truly not as safe as claimed. The most common injuries are twisted ankles.

As stated on almost all Bubble Bump websites locally and internationally, the bubble suit is made out of durable material which will absorb heavy impact well with two straps inside the inner sphere for you to strap your body with for a secure fit, and two handles for holding on for additional safety.

Yes all these are just as safe as you can get.

If you were to look at the whole suit, your body is safely cocooned but the legs are vulnerable in the open and carrying more weight. Your legs, your knees, your ankles are bearing lots of unnecessary weight and pressure especially when you twist and turn with the bubble suit restricting your upper body movement which would normally react together with your legs to maintain stability.

~

How Acupuncture Treatment Helped

On the day itself, I could not even walk as my left leg would tremble and lock. My colleagues had to send me right up to my door step and helped me into my house.

Later that night, I made my way alone to the TCM for my first acupuncture ever. Guessed how I walked? I hopped on my right leg all the way from the cab to the clinic as the left simply could not take any pressure. Although I hated the nervy feeling of the acupuncture needles, I was amazed at the powers of Traditional Chinese Medicine! I need not hobble and could walk with a limp after the first treatment!

Pardon the flabby tummy and stumpy legs.



~

Aftermath

I spent the next few days of CNY celebrations in clothes that could match my ballerina flats and had to put on an ugly knee guard. For the next few weeks after the knee trauma, I could not even apply pressure on my left leg. My knee would shiver, jerk, lock and twist outward to the side, causing pain to the outer flesh, muscle, ligament (whatever those parts that are not the bone part of the knee are called).

The only thing I can do now is walk almost like normal. However, I cannot do lots of simple daily activities like going in and out of the car normally, boarding and alighting from a bus, chasing after a closing lift, standing too long on a long crowded commute to name a few. My knee continues to lock, jerk and twist outwards if I tried to do my normal activities that put pressure on the left side.

For the last 2 weeks, I had not experienced any jerking, locking and twisting but I could no longer bend my left leg normally or even use squat toilets. The flesh above and below the outer knee would hurt when bent.

Without being able to bend normally, I won't be able to attend my usual pilates class that involves lots of squats and bending of knees for goodness knows how long. Even the yoga classes that I attend involve lots of knee bending too. To think that I just signed up for a 2 year package in January!

I have since stopped all yoga and pilates lessons and in fact, all forms of exercise. I was just beginning to get into the regime of regular exercise, feeling a lot more positive about my health and getting myself more toned, only to have everything terminated by this stupid knee injury.

So far, I have undergone 3 acupuncture sessions and have an appointment with the orthopedic and sports clinic at a public hospital tomorrow.

From all that I have read on the Internet about knee locking and twisting, I self diagnosed my condition as some form of meniscus injury. The doctor affiliated to my organisation suspected an ACL tear.

I do hope that the diagnosis from the specialist would be more accurate and I hope a scan could be performed to make sure there isn't any loose bone fragments in my knee during the accident or a keyhole surgery is required to remove the debris. I'm praying for the best.

I actually do feel extremely lousy and very upset at myself for playing Bubble Bump.

My knee injury had added quite a lot of angst whenever I have bouts of depression. Maybe I'm using "depression" too loosely but to be very honest, I do get very depressed in phases especially in the domain of health.

I just want to lead a normal life.



~

Update after seeing the specialist today (12 April 2016):

: ( The knee orthopedic specialist confirmed that the knee injury is 100% an ACL tear. He did various tests and the 3 tests for ACL tear all proved positive.

: ( A torn ACL is not able to heal on its own. The specialist advised that if I were to continue rigorous sports, it would be sensible to undergo reconstructive surgery to repair the ACL. However, for non-athletes, it is perfectly alright not to go through this. I could still decide down the road if I want to opt for it.

: ( Suspected lateral meniscus tear.

: ( Suspected lateral collateral ligament tear.

: ) X-Ray scans revealed no bone fragments, thankfully! No need for debris removal surgery.

: | An MRI scan would confirm all suspicions and pinpoint the exact injuries though the specialist said that the scan is inconsequential to my physiotherapy treatment unless I am opting for reconstructive ACL surgery.

: | For now, I would go for physiotherapy sessions every week to build up the muscles to compensate for the lack of ACL support while allowing the meniscus and ligament tear to heal on their own. I would perhaps get a second opinion from the people there on whether I should opt for the ACL reconstructive surgery in time to come.

Sad max.

Halloween is when the darkness in me arises

I've been neglecting my blog because I simply had no energy to craft a proper post.

I've not been very active on social media due to all the busyness at work.

For weeks, I lack exercise, I eat unhealthily, my body is obviously not happy.

Then when all the hecticness simmered down, I got really tired of certain things in life and went on a social media hiatus for a week.

Other than all the little negativity in life adding up, I've been feeling down to the state of being depressed more recently. I felt as if I had hope and then it was robbed from me, leaving me with a scarred heart. I literally felt so much pain in my heart that I thought I could die from it. It was so much more intense and painful than all the gastrointestinal pain that I get almost every day.



I'm very good at masking my true emotions at times. Facing the world and pretending that I'm okay is what I do best once I get past the crying stage till there is no more tears left for that moment.

However, it really is difficult to pretend at times. I had to share my feelings with some friends.

Other than that and acting perfectly normal to the people I see every day, I felt the dire need to simply shut myself up from everyone else for a while. I didn't respond much when these friends checked on me every now and then and said that I'm not my usual self on message medium.

I mentioned this before. I do not really like writing emo stuff on my blog, Facebook or Instagram. As far as I always assert that there is beauty in melancholy, I do not believe in affecting other people with my emosity and creating negative energy through my writing whenever I'm upset. Besides, I'm always known by others as a happy and positive person.

I asked my hub recently, "Why do people always say I'm so happy and positive?"

He replied, "That's because you always hide your sadness from people."

I realised that I need to acknowledge sadness, deal with it accordingly and then heal. As I have learnt from the movie Inside Out, it is through sadness that people could seek for and experience joy.

So I'm not going to care who is reading this. I'm going to be upfront and acknowledge that I've been sad. If I don't be open about it, I won't be able to heal well.

It's been a week of trying to deal with sadness and I'm making good progress. I need to overcome more hurdles as I slowly rebuild myself. Hopefully, I would be back to normal soon.

Rest In Peace, Mr Lee Kuan Yew

I woke up to the news of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's passing early this morning. Strangely, amidst the sadness I felt a sense of peace.


The past month, I have been following news of his critical condition and have mixed feelings. As much as I would love to see him during this year's SG50 National Day Parade emerging like a triumphant victor and saying,


"Don't anyhow say me OK, you si geena on the Internet."





I also pray for his peaceful passing so that he could finally be reunited with his beloved wife Madam Kwa Geok Choo.


‘For reasons of sentiment, I would like part of my ashes to be mixed up with Mama’s, and both her ashes and mine put side by side in the columbarium. We were joined in life and I would like our ashes to be joined after this life.’ - Source: The Sunday Times October 2, 2011





True that many complain about Mr LKY's draconian measures but didn't everything that he had done led Singapore to where we are today?





Together with other founding fathers of Singapore, Mr LKY spent so much of his life building up this country and bringing us to where we are today. He led us from Third World to First, transforming Singapore into a thriving cosmopolitan city-state with a strong Singapore dollar. He gave us stability and prosperity. He uplifted the lives of Singaporeans generations after generations.





I have a country which gives me a sense of identity and with a million and one things to be proud of. I love Singapore and I'm proud to be a Singaporean.





This acrostic poem tribute to Mr Lee Kuan Yew by Winston Ng aptly sums up the sentiments of many Singaporeans.





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Dear Mr Lee Kuan Yew,

You are someone I can't say I love but I truly respect you... A LOT. I respect you for all that you have done for Singapore and for your undying love for your wife. It is time for you to go. For you to be reunited with your beloved wife.

Thank you for all your years of service to Singapore, to us. Your legacy lives on!

May you rest in peace, Sir.

Yours truly,
A Singapore child


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After note:

My tribute to Mr Lee Kuan Yew first appeared this morning on my Facebook note. I edited the privacy the "public" for a while to share the link on my other social media platforms but decided to edit back to "friends only" and to reproduce and add more contents on my blog. 

For my foreign blog readers. I would share some reading materials which I personally found very inspiring on Mr LKY below:

A 17-min video on Singapore's founding father

Lee Kuan Yew: Founder Of The Nation

The touching love story between Mr and Mrs LKY in a digestible read. I teared reading this article. 

The Lee Kuan Yew And Kwa Geok Choo Love Story

This piece was written by Dr Lee Wei Ling, daughter of Lee Kuan Yew, shortly after the death of her mother, the late Kwa Geok Choo. Through her words, we see a different side to the typically stern former prime minister of Singapore.
Love Does Indeed Spring Eternal

#leekuanyew #lky #thankyoulky #riplky #proudtobeasingaporean #singaporemyhome

A Very Different Valentine's Day (Prayer Request)

[Edited to add portion. Scroll to the end.]

Dear all,

Today is a very different Valentine's Day for me. My sweet eldest sister, Jasmine, is currently in ICU.

She suffered from a stroke (subarachnoid hemorrhage) on the afternoon of 12 Feb 15. Everything was normal that day. We even had a good chat on our "Chat Sisters" whatsapp group in the morning.

When she was at a work meeting, she had sudden severe pain in the head and spine. She wasn't able to move at all and started vomiting non-stop. It was really fortunate that she has quick-thinking colleagues who knew something was seriously wrong and called for an ambulance instead of dismissing these symptoms as mere headache and vomiting.

CT scans revealed that she was suffering from subarachnoid hemorrhage due to a rupture of an aneurysm on the left of her brain.

An aneurysm is an abnormal widening or ballooning of a portion of an artery due to weakness in the wall of the blood vessel. There is no knowing how someone gets aneurysm and it may be inborn. According to the doctors, 1 in 3 people with ruptured aneurysm drop down dead on the spot. My sis is really fortunate she belongs to the 2 in 3.

She has 3 2 (the family conference with the doctor today revealed it was 2 complicated ones) of those aneurysm and 1 had ruptured, releasing blood into her brain and causing her brain to swell thereby building immense pressure. With that, her brain is unable to drain fluid on its own.

The first surgery last night (12 Feb 15) was to insert a draining tube in the brain to drain the fluid and relieve pressure. The operation went smoothly. Other than coughing and causing all the increase of readings on the machine, her condition was stable after sedation.

Yesterday (13 Feb 15), more scans were done to ascertain the next course of treatment which depends on the size and location of the aneurysm.

Two common surgeries are used to repair an aneurysm:
- Endovascular coiling is the less invasive technique most often done. During endovascular coiling, a catheter is passed through the groin up into the artery containing the aneurysm. An incision in the skull is not required.
- Clipping is invasive as it is done during open brain surgery (craniotomy)

My sis has aneurysm that weren't just simple berry/sac for coiling to be done. Hers were more complicated. They were curved on both side of the same blood vessel. (Usually people would have aneurysm on separate blood vessels) The more invasive and higher-risk clipping is the only surgical option for her. That holds a 15% mortality rate during surgery.

She would undergo that surgery on Monday (16 Feb 15). Please pray for a smooth surgery and healing for her.

~

She was practically drifting in and out of sleep the whole of Friday (13 Feb 15). In the morning, she responded to her name when the nurse called her.

In the evening, she woke up and was conscious and aware that she has a Valentine's Day date with my brother-in-law, Ben, tomorrow. I was glad to catch her awake for a brief moment and happy to know that she's aware of her surroundings.

Due to the respirator in her throat, she is feeling very uncomfortable and is often nauseous. When she tries to talk, all the readings on the machine would shoot right up. She is currently lightly sedated to keep her drowsy and sleep the nausea away. Doctors have also advised to keep her readings stabalized for fear of rupturing the aneurysm.

Today (14 Feb 15), she could still wave to us, albeit with just a slight lift of her wrist. She is conscious and aware though we feel that she could be suffering from short-term memory at times. Although she could only mouth words with great difficulty due to the respirator in her throat and many tubes everywhere, she kept asking "What happened?", "Why it happened?". She also wrote on my BIL's palm that today is Valentine's Day while he showed from through the glass the tulips he bought for her.

~

This is my most recent wefie with my sis during her wedding last November. She is the most beautiful that day and she would always be beautiful inside and out. You could tell that she is the kindest, most filial (to parents, grandparents and elders) and just such a great person from all the love, support and tears she has received from her family, friends, relatives and even friends of mine (some of whom are acquainted with her).




Wefie with my sis and BIL who has been with her tirelessly day in and out the past few days. It was supposed to be their first Valentine's Day as husband and wife. Life is not fair. But I have faith that they would be going through many many Valentine's Day together after her surgery. Tan Tock Seng Hospital has rounded up a team of experienced professionals for my sis's surgery scheduled on Monday morning led by neurosurgeon Prof Ivan Ng. Please pray for a smooth surgery and healing for her.




~

It is a difficult time for all of us and I apologise if I'm not always replying to messages on any medium. Thank you all for reading and for your kind thoughts, well wishes and prayers.

Love,
Jo


Edited to add:
After about 8 gruelling hours, my sis's op was over and it is a success! They had such a hard time sedating her back to complete sleep.  Such a stubborn sister. Thank you all for your prayers!!!  She still gotta be kept under close observation for post op complications and further procedures which would depend on her condition these few days.

Chock Full of Coffee & the Unknown

Ongoing Giveaway

I'm having a 2nd blog giveaway and I invite all of you to check it out. It is opened internationally so feel free to participate if you're interested. Boys and Men are welcome to participate to try your hand at winning something for your significant other, sister or female friends! My only problem now is that Rafflecopter doesn't load the participants' entries when I want to view them as an admin. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I do not have to resort to manual entries like my last giveaway. 

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It had been quite a long time since the hubz and I ventured further out during the weekend for food due to a couple of reasons. The night before when kh suggested having brunch the next day and checking out the 3D kitty latte foam art at Chock Full of Beans, I was pleasantly surprised. He had been brushing off my suggestion to have a 3D kitty for as long as I knew such a thing existed in Singapore and I felt that he was trying to cheer me up.


We started our Sunday with a late brunch at The Coastal Settlement (TCS). We've been there a couple of times on our own and with family and friends, trying out both old and dishes and always liking what we ordered.


[Image Credit]


Truffle fries are one of my favourite kind of fries ever but the truffle fries today wasn't as good as they should be.




Kh's mocha




My Chocolate Milkshake.




Kh finished every single bit of his Big Breakfast.




My Wagyu Cubes Salad wasn't as good as the last time I had it. It was sweet and I could even feel the sugar grains (yucks). I'm ok with sweet salad dressing if they are fruit sauce like orange, apple and the likes. Not when it tastes sugary. Some of the raw vegetables were much too bitter than the usual bitterness of some raw vegetables. We were actually craving for TCS's Steak and Eggs but it seemed like that dish was no longer on the menu.




I love the vintage decor of the whole eatery.




A vintage BMW could only happen in TCS.




As if our coffee and chocolate wasn't enough, we were up and about for round 2 of beverage...




At Chock Full of Beans.




Due to time constraint, there is a limit of only one 3D latte foam art per table. The rest of the art would be random. Since I've been wanting to "own" a 3D kitty drink, kh had to settle for 2D.




Kh got Keroppi in his Mocha! Yes, he ordered mocha AGAIN and asked, "Why did they gimme a FROG?"




He tried stirring the mocha without destroying the Keroppi.




My Hazelnut latte arrived about 15 minutes after his but it was well worth the wait!




I simply couldn't get enough of snapping photos of my cute kitty cat!




High 10 with your cute little paws!




Yeah... I had to snap 1947594936 pictures of me and the kitty cat before I drank it. I mean, it isn't every day that I have a 3D kitty foam art.




Kitty cat and kitty art. According to kh and some other close people, they think I have cat-like tendency. In fact, kh often says that if I were to look like an animal, it would be a cat.




Kh's favourite moment at Chock Full of Beans was when he could DESTROY the "stupid cat".




He murdered it by smashing its brains in.




As seen in this video.




It was just a simple late brunch outing, followed by coffee and plain hanging out, doing nothing much. However, I felt quite happy. I have not been feeling the best physically, emotionally and psychologically for quite some time.

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Unwell physically, emotionally and psychologically

Since last Friday, I was plagued with Upper Respiratory Tract Infection (URTI). I've already known my pattern for URTI. First the throat, then the cold and cough overlapping till it all ends.

The very bad throat full of sores and ulcers coupled with headache and a slight rise in temperature would be the first warning sign that I would suffer from URTI. These symptoms came last Friday and I thought that with enough rest over the weekend and self-medication, I would be well in no time. The bad throat cured in 2 days but the leaky blocked nose replaced it over the weekend. The cold this time was quite bad. I was practically blowing very thick and sticky mucus from deep within all day long. I reckon I scared many colleagues when I came back to work on my 2nd day of MC last Tuesday.

I've been blowing my nose every single day and still, the thick sticky mucus kept surging. (I know... eeew) Initially, I stayed away from Western medication and was taking Barlean's Olive Leaf Complex as it came in the mail just in time the previous Saturday. Apparently, I should start taking it to build up my immunity when I'm well and hence, a trip to the doctor and the Western medication was unavoidable in times of sickness. To curb the blocked leaky nose, I had to take some medication to loosen the mucus. This medication did a super yucky and uncomfortable thing-- it made the mucus flow down my throat. I've never in my life experienced such thick mucus coating my throat to the extent that I had difficulty swallowing and breathing even if on the other hand, it allowed me to breathe coz my nose became unblocked. There were times when I felt that the stickiness were hanging midway in my passage, unable to slide down. I really hated that feeling.

While I was still snorting thick mucus, the phlegmy cough arrived. The phlegm was thick and deep in the lungs which was really uncomfortable. There were many times when I coughed till I retched for the phlegm to be expelled.

It has since been a little more than a week and while I'm still blowing my nose and coughing, the mucus and phlegm has become a lot less viscous and more manageable as I'm typing this.

If you remember, I suffered from gastric flu during the CNY period. I was also tired physically. I was doing too much after work. I think I really deserve it for slapping too many tasks upon myself to do but I needed to take my mind off unpleasant things at times. The good news is, I've been so tired out that I no longer suffer from insomnia. I've been getting more sleep than I ever had over the years.

Aside from all the illness, I've also been feeling rather down emotionally and psychologically. I can't really explain why and I also don't wish to go there. Only a handful of close friends are somewhat aware of my instability which I couldn't explain myself too. I guess I'm able to hide when the time comes but it really is difficult to pretend at times. The feeling comes and goes. I could cry for no reason and then pick myself up and smile again. Well, if you ask me. I think I should go seek some professional help if this continues but for now, the stronger side of me would always take over and pull my weaker self up and I'm always thankful that as a Gemini I have 2 very opposing sides each helping the other when the need arises.

Thank you for reading up till here for those who did. I may or may not reply your comments with regard to this as it took me some time to decide to share my feelings here for all to see.

Say No to Dog Meat

This little kitty is helping its canine friends and urging all to be aware of the Yulin, Guangxi "Dog Meat Festival".

One protester described what he had seen at previous festivals:
"I've seen the dogs being stabbed, strangled and even beaten into comas and thrown into boiling water. Some dogs woke up in the extremely hot water and they struggled, but the vendors kept pushing them, plucking their fur." [Source]

Let's put an end to this bloody celebration by pressuring the relevant authorities and Chinese Govt to take action. It is possible. In 2011, officials cancelled the annual festival following protests by thousands of animal rights advocates. It was a wonderful move by the Chinese government.

Come 2013, let's hope we can garner enough people to petition against this. This year's event is supposedly to be held on 21 June 2013.




I knew of this cause via @michsymmonsgold and @saynotodogmeat first on Instagram, then on http://notodogmeat.com. In addition, I just took the pledge here: http://www.causes.com/actions/1754709-stop-the-yulin-dog-meat-eating-festival-june-2013

I believe in the power of social media. Would you spare a few moments to do something too?


~~~

Disclaimer:

I'm not a vegan. I'm not a saint. I do eat meat and I love certain meat. However, I believe that animals reared for consumption and animals reared for pets are two different issues. Also, I believe that if humans were to kill animals for food, it should be done in a humane and fast manner. As much as I feel a lot for pet animals, I'm not condemning certain countries for eating dog meat, cat meat and exotic meat. I'm condemning the act of eating strays on the street, pets which are robbed from their owners and animals on the verge of endangerment or extinction. I'm also condemning the act of brutality to the animals before their final death.

There are also many countries in the world which ill-treat the farm animals reared for consumption just before slaughtering them for food. Such acts should be condemned too. It is unfortunate that most of the times, we do not know if our meat is cruelty-free.

What do you meat-eaters think about this fine line?

11:11 Make a Wish

At 11:11 pm last night, I wished for good health. Not only physical, but emotional, mental and spiritual.






I'm a little too greedy but I can't help it when I've been feeling down recently. I have not been feeling this down for as long as I could remember.


I'm sick.

I'm sick physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I am able to elaborate more on my physical sickness but I do not really know why I'm emotionally, mentally and spiritually sick. I just know myself that I am.


Physically, I'm in pain.

I would always suffer from tummy pain after dinner or supper for almost 80% of the time. I would just sit down and hunch the pain away or lie curled up hugging my bolster if I'm at home. The pain is akin to having a very taut string in my body which feels as if it would snap if I stand or sit up straight.


It's not the stomach but the small intestine area (around the belly button) and it is always after dinner or supper but not for meals taken in the day. Hence, I've gotten quite used to the pain over time. In my previous company, I do not eat at regular hours and hence often suffer from gastric pains which would get even more intense after eating. I do not even classify this as an illness. I thought it was too regular to be a sickness. Hence, I just do not bother as the pain would slowly dissipate after an hour or more.


My 2nd sister told me to go for a check up since she knew of somebody who often complained of tummy pain after eating, only to find a tumour upon having it checked. It turned out that whenever after meals, the stomach expanded and pressed onto the tumour, causing the pain. I brushed it aside saying that if there really were a tumour in me, I would be feeling the pain after every meal.


Recently, the pain got more frequent and intense. I feel pain whether I am hungry or not, whether I eat a lot or too little, whether I eat at proper timing or not and regardless of any kind of food (healthy, junk whatever).


Then 2 weeks ago, I suffered from the most intense post-dinner/supper tummy ache and heart burn for 4 hours. The heartburn was so bad that I just sat on the edge of my bed without daring to breathe hard for what seemed like an eternity. I could not lie down; I could not sleep.


From then till now, it is a daily pain (both intense and bearable). I was referred by my favourite doctor to a specialist at the hospital who before checking my tummy, asked me lots and lots of questions while ruling out various prognosis. The mildest prognosis would be inflammation or constricting of the intestines.

The area of pain around the belly button is a tricky issue. Neither could a scope from the top nor from the bottom reach that part of the intestines. Also, the doctor preempted me that there are instances of patients undergoing one tests after another but having nothing found with the pain still persisting. I do hope something could be found whether bad or not so that I don't keep wondering what is wrong with me.





There were a few tests suggested: colonoscopy, barium enema and CT colonography. All of them have their pros and cons. I opted for the CT colonography. The appointment is somewhere in end November. Hopefully from then till now, I would be able to bear with the daily pain. No painkiller was given as I did not want them. I'm currently on probiotics capsules and there would be a symphony playing in my tummy followed by a cacophony of noises every now and then.


I would appreciate if any of you could share with me more about tummy related pains and resulting diagnosis.


~~~


In my opinion, being sick in a non-physical way is a lot worse than being sick physically. Yes, it is true that you can't do lots being bound by physical illness. However besides my physical illness, the non physical illnesses are plaguing me right now.


I'm very affected by other issues besides my illness. I'm just in a very depressing rut now but I will slowly heal on my own.


It is really ironic for someone so positive and upbeat to feel so depressed.


I'm touched by the care and concern shown by my colleagues when I left work halfway on Monday to see a doctor due to the pain. I'm touched by the care and concern they showed me even when I'm not at work. I'm touched by all who asked after me too. I really do not know how to answer people whenever they asked if I'm ok coz all I could think of is that I'm still in pain. But there is also a lot more to the physical pain which I can't explain.





Then my mum texted me asking me how I was feeling and that she would accompany me to the hospital. I hadn't intended to tell them about the specialist visit but I had no choice as my dad was making some arrangement with me and I had to tell him. Her message touched me to tears but I was in public and could not cry openly.


Throughout my years, I've been shuttling to hospitals not for myself but for others. For a period of time, I was also shuttling to hospital for my god daughter too. I've always accompanied my mum for her check ups and follow ups and now that she offered to go with me, it truly touched me to tears. When she called me, I had to decline. I told her not to worry and tried to put down the phone as soon as possible coz my voice was breaking from choked tears.

I had to be alone. I knew that my crying phase was coming back with a vengeance during this period of time and I can't be around people I know. It doesn't really help when the hubby is not around. I suspect I'm fast falling into depression but I know I would feel a lot better after shutting myself off for a while from physical interaction with people.

I'm very good at masking my true emotions at times. Pretending that I'm alright is what I do best once I get past the tearing/ crying stage. However, when I'm still in this super emo crying rut, I just want to shut myself up and avoid physical interaction with people as I do not want people to see the state that I am in.

Don't... Don't ask me if I'm ok. Don't ask me how I am feeling face to face coz my floodgates might just open. Besides, I don't even know myself why I'm feeling so depressed.





I do not really like writing emo stuff on my blog or Facebook. As far I always maintain that there is beauty in melancholy, I do not believe in affecting other people with my emosity and creating negative energy through my writing whenever I'm upset. Besides, I'm always known by others as being very cheerful and influencing people with my positivism.


Due to the fact that I'm typing this on draft and trying to get all my emotions out one last time before I could finally attempt to empty the tears reservoir, I may or may not opt to publish this.


A few friends and readers had along the way told me that my sad posts made them cry buckets. I even recall a reader telling me that she had spent the whole day reading my sad posts and crying in front of her computer. I would not want to do that now.


I'm really identifying with these quotes right now:

"Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are bad. It simply means they are human and make mistakes."

"There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad." -- Kurt Cobain

FYI, I used the F-word in a section of my entry essay for my current job. And that's coz I used Kurt Cobain's quote above to describe both my strength and weakness.


While it is good to love people and care for them, caring too much for others would get yourself into deep trouble too.


If you feel that I'm talking incoherently up to this point, it is simply because I am. If I were a product, my tagline would be "I am an antithesis of myself". I encompass many opposing traits and I do not often know myself.


I will cry and cry and cry myself silly till I feel better but I do not know when the tears would stop flowing. In the meantime, I distract myself by being as normal as possible, doing normal things like watching lots of TV, playing word games and editing halloween photos for my blog... while tearing every now and then.


I will bounce back in no time... pain-free hopefully.





Sakamoto's Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence is a piece I love to listen to on repeat no matter what my mood is but the music touches deep into my heart especially in times of sadness.