I really don’t understand why
I am a patient person but I know I’m most impatient with her. I’m trying to change… really… I am. I hope she can change too. Coz really, it works both ways, just like building a bridge.
I was doing very well just now. I promised to help her type that letter when I was free. We were having such a great time with the letter… asking her about the details, teaching her how to use the email, laughing at her when she tried to do a hands on and got it wrong when usually I won’t be as patient to go that far. I even showed her the photos taken the recently as she wanted to know what I was up to during my birthday week.
We had lots of fun and I was just beginning to feel that bond which I haven’t felt for a long time.
I really don’t know what happened. She started on her highly annoying way of talking. I hate the way she thinks – very shallow and plain unreasonable that I just had to correct her thoughts. Then, the accusation started, everything that I wasn’t became a fact when it comes from her mouth. I really hate being misunderstood, especially so when my intentions were kind.
Whenever I try to change, I put in lots of effort to condition my mind to react accordingly. I put in lots of effort to think before I speak. I put in lots of effort to moderate my tone. I put in lots of effort to slip some laughs every now and then. I put in lots of effort to control my temper even when I hear unpleasant things.
I’ve built many bridges in the past, almost reaching the other side, only to have them shattered within a minute.
Sometimes, I wonder if I should stop building bridges. What’s the use of building a bridge when it doesn’t start from both sides?