Biological Clock Not Tuned Yet

I spent a bomb today but am feeling very happy coz most of what I spent today was not on myself. At times, when you spend on others and make them happy, you will feel a sense of contentment. This time, I did not spend it on friends but on my family instead. I treated my parents dinner, da bao an expensive dinner for er jie and got a birthday cake for da jie, who by the way, shares the same birthday as Andy Lau.

Throughout the years, I find that my family has gotten closer. Of course, it couldn’t beat the times when we were still kids but it is getting better. Save for the occasional insane quarrels when I am usually the middle person, I’m quite thankful that at least I have a complete family, not too perfect but not at all dreadful.

I brought my parents to Sakae Sushi for dinner. It was sort of a treat for Dad whose birthday was on the 25th and was glad that they enjoyed their meal. It was their first time eating there and at the beginning, they were hesitant in taking the dishes from the “conveyor belt”, constantly worrying about how much I’ve to fork out.

Really! Sometimes I feel that Dad and Mum scrimp and save too much that they have not really enjoyed life. Each time my sisters and I bring them out for meals, they will worry about ordering expensive dishes and looking all so miserable when they see the prices on the menu and the bill soon after. It is ok to enjoy a bit of good food once in awhile. And Sakae Sushi isn’t like some fancy restaurants yet they were so worried for my pocket. I chided them for that and they said next time when I earn more, they’ll definitely take more red dishes. I was thinking to myself, the next time I earn more, I would take them to some fancy restaurant and if I have saved enough after a few years, I would arrange a short getaway for them. Poor them have not really enjoyed much in life.

But of course that takes time. I don’t know if time is a crucial factor here. These past few years, both Dad and Mum have been suffering from many ailments that I get so afraid they will just leave me anytime. Yes I’m paranoid. But some of their symptoms seem like what cancer stricken people would have. And I’m such a bad girl, a non-practicing Christian who sometimes condemn the Christian way of thinking and only seek God when I encounter problems. Maybe that is why God refuses to listen to this Jolene person and hence my prayers to keep my parents in good health were disregarded.

Most of the time, I do not display my love for them openly. I may seem very rebellious to them, especially to my mum. I’m forever rude to her. I’m forever feeling irritated with her. I’m forever snapping at her. I’m forever against her. I’m forever lecturing her whenever I feel she’s in the wrong. I’m forever scolding her when she scolds me or any other people unfairly. I’m forever scolding her when she is unreasonable. (She really is very unreasonable sometimes!!) I’m forever scolding her for scolding my poor dad. I’m always scolding her for being money-minded at times. I’m always scolding her for being such a kaypo… In short, I’m forever scolding her.

And then after being all so mean, I will reflect on what I’ve done. Although most of the time, I still think she is the one in the wrong, I will feel bad on the other lesser times when I’m at fault. But, I would never show any remorse openly.

I always remind myself to treat the people around me better for I will never know when they would leave. Yet, I do not practice what I tell myself.

I don’t know how this entry is interpreted but don’t be mistaken by the somewhat dreary tone of this entry. I’m bad at prac crit when it comes to non-Literature writing. I’m still in a happy mood. Oh yes one more reason why I’m happy… I drank lots of Baileys just now, one of my fave alcoholic drinks. I know this sounds out of tune but I’m doing it on purpose… so that I can wander off on a different note.

Due to the school 1-week term break, my weekend for this week was the Sunday which has just passed and Monday, which is erm… today. I have to go back to work on Tuesday so my grand Tuesday plan is temporarily ruined.

The time is 4.10am and my biological clock has yet been tuned. Still not feeling sleepy. Am I glad my sister finally installed wireless Internet even after I refused to split the cost. Goodness knows what I would be doing without Internet in my room when I’m not sleepy enough to go to bed. I would probably be doing more constructive things like reading my school materials and practicing my flash cards and ESP talent.

I can also use this time to make some changes to my blog, dabbling around with the html with my lousy html-dabbling skills. I felt so smug when I managed to include a great song on my blog last Tuesday. By now, many of you would have gone crazy by She Will Be Loved and either attempt to click the STOP button each time you view my blog or to smash your speakers with your badminton racket. And then it will all be thanks to me that this number one song falls all the way off the chart.

Of course, I’m merely being narcissistic, assuming that every one of you reads my blog everyday. I’m sure all the above would not have happened. All of you will still be sane, your index finger will not have suffered from excessive clicking motion (while frantically trying to click the stop button), your speakers will still be intact, She Will Be Loved will not be hated and fall off the charts.

The time is 4.30am and I’m still quite awake. I should go induce sleep now.