Let the breeze carry me away

[pic credit: beth retro on flickr]

Scribbled this a while back…

I have no idea what to write about yet I have a lot on my mind.

Recently, I’ve been feeling a lot… a mixture of feelings which I can’t quite understand.

I have bad dreams… tho not nightmares, but not pleasant at all.

Outside of dreams, I do wish that I’m invisible at times… quietly doing my own stuff, no contact with anyone… just me, myself and I.


[pic credit: fountaincoke on flickr]

I’m talking a lot less now coz I’m feeling a lot more. I dunno why I’m feeling this way but it has gotten to the point when I wish I can just hide in an inconspicuous corner or fly away to somewhere where nobody can find me.


[pic credit: LUCIA on flickr]

All the things which I think I am doesn’t hold true anymore.

It’s like how people conceal certain characteristics they have or change themselves to fit in.


[pic credit: Chrissie White on flickr]

I love to write. I love to talk. I love to express. I love to have exchanges and witty banter with people in the past so much so that people love to be around me. Of coz some people may deem me crazy and bimbotic but that’s who I am.

I don't seem to love writing, talking and expressing that much anymore. I often trip over my tongue and am unable to express myself adequately. I can't even write a decent sentence.

It’s like how some people have always been like this but somehow they slowly lose their capabilities and talents as time goes by.

I used to be a natural leader. It started since I started going to school. Teachers naturally chose me to be leaders even though I don't exactly possessed those autocratic leadership qualities in me. Group leader, project leader, monitress, prefect etc. I led coz people liked me and listened to me. I led coz my peers felt comfortable with me leading them. I led with no trouble at all coz I listened to everyone's views and didn't impose mine on them. I was like a leader-friend kind with just a dash of autocracy.

Now? I'm more of being led. I'm more like the member. I'm unable to rise to just that dash of autocracy like how I used to be. I can't make firm decisions. Always wavering. Sitting up there can be lonely at times.

I am no longer who I am. I lost all the positive aspects of myself and gained all the negative ones.

I don't even know myself now.


[pic credit: Chrissie White on flickr]

I’ve grown stale. I need a new environment. I need a change. I need to find myself.

Coz I’m not myself here anymore.

I think I need a break...


[pic credit: ~aspidistra~'s on flickr]

A break together with my deardear coz I can't just fly away alone.

~~~~~

Some time has passed and I'm trying to see everything in a positive light. The hod meeting on Tuesday helped a great deal.

"It's not what you are that holds you back. It's what you think you're not."
-- Denis Waitley

Trying to surround myself with beautiful things. Trying to fill myself with happy thoughts.


[pic credit: hello naomi on flickr]


But just when I'm trying to fill myself with happy thoughts, something inside filled myself with pain.

Been plagued by crunching abdominal pain. Those kind which the lower part of the abdomen would start to pull and contract suddenly.

They come in waves. I can be normal one minute and clutching in pain the next. It kinda feels like my intestines are being squashed and relaxed. It got pretty bad last night and today that I’ve to stay at home to rest.

It’s good coz it's heavenly to sleep for 12 hours.

It's no good coz I only ate a packet of biscuits the whole day. The thing is... I don't feel that hungry at all with the battle going on in the intestines. I can hear rumbling and liquid sounds every now and then. Quite funny to hear them.

And no... I'm not pregnant.

We've still got our honeymoon to go.

A student's composition

The topic for this compo is about doing something meaningful. I was beaming in my heart when I read this.

[click to enlarge]






I wonder if he had read the papers about Charmaine or if this plot is completely his own idea. If it is the latter, I must say that it's such a coincidence. Anyhow, I hope he doesn't know my relation to Charmaine.

So far, only one of my kids came up to me and asked, "My mummy ask me to ask you is it you on newspaper?" I told him to go back to his seat and I'll answer him later. I didn't get back to him after that though.

I don't want my students to know too much about my personal stuff.

Our Wedding Montage

Sharing this with my friends who are not on Facebook...

Our wedding photo montage played before the 1st march in.



I'm not very sure if those not on my Facebook list would be able to view the above as I took the embed code from there. If cannot, you can view the YouTube version below. Unfortunately the audio has been removed by YouTube due to copyright issues.



Notes on the video:
Apparently, it was so "engaging" that even the swordbearers opened the side door and peeked in. As kh and I stood outside and prepared for the march in, we heard peals of laughter too. [Aside: Must be laughing at him la.]

This photo montage charting our childhood phase, growing up years, 8 years of couplehood and wedding photo shoot is put together by my sis Joanne.

She has done wedding montages for her friends but this is the first time she experiments with 3D effect as seen in the childhood phase.

Kh and I are very pleased with the video. We have received compliments from countless and enquiries from a few. I think my sis can jolly well consider being a freelance "wedding photo montager". Haha...

Oh yes, my personal touch to the video would be being an irritating director who keeps requesting for certain effects, which photos to use, dictating to use the songs I want etc. Had initially wanted a personal touch in the form of cute drawings of us to tell the story of how we didn't have favourable impression of each other. However, I finished drawing him and didn't have enough time to draw myself and so it was the perfect excuse not to add that in.

Songs used:
1) Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
2) Everything - Michael Buble
3) I Finally Found Someone - Bryan Adams & Barbra Streisand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New toy

Remember my hp got stolen by an a**hole the other time?

Yes yes... I've finally gotten myself a new hp after waiting for a good deal for so long.

Been living with my dad's sony ericsson for about 3 months and I was getting quite used to sony. Was comtemplating getting one of those music hps from that brand and to boycott nokia once and for all (for various reasons that all nokia boycotters would know).

And then I ended up getting this coz of the irresistible price in conjunction with a 3-day National Day promotion.



Nokia E71!

If even nokia boycotters can tell me this model is good, it has to be good.

Love the red... Just in time for National Day, don't you think?



kh's dad got an E71 for free just a week ago and decided to let kh use it. His is in gun metal and he is very jealous of my chio red now. Haha...

So cool... we've got couple hp unintentionally. But that kh keeps insisting that I copy him.

Hmmph!

I'll be going to watch the NDP later. The 1st time ever in my whole life.

I wanna be a proud Singaporean so I would go find my red and white clothes now.

Tata for now.

Love,
Jolene

PS: To the many who have been bugging me for my actual day wedding photos. I've to get my lazy ass down to see which photos outta the 800+ to post. My lazy ass is inching to the bed now.

It's been a week since they left for New York

Skyped with the kids for 1 hour just now... They were soooo cute!

Each time they called on my hp, they would say,

"Godma Jolene I want to see you on the computer."



Wherever they want to go, the camera and laptop would follow, even right down to under the table.


[This is supposed to be a gif file but I dunno why the animation isn't working here.]


Ok so these are the 2 photos making up the gif

Now you see me...


Now you dun...




Charmaine can even go to the toilet and holler,

"Can you see me? I'm in the toilet!"

*LoLz*

~~~~~~~~~~~

One week ago... the last 2 days in Singapore

The kids pitting against each other, with our help of coz.


Mario race is fun but when you have to bend your neck for hours, it's no fun.


The kids love to take unglam photos and videos of us.



Smile princess smile



Happily pulling kh's ears to steer the "elephant"... so said charmaine.



Building strong rapport


I dunno how kh from being their lowly rank of a playmate could suddenly manage to have an elevation in status. Little char kept sticking to him and did everything together. It was really cute! There was once when they did a high 5, low 5 and rabbit 5 together but I didn't manage to capture that.

Cyn, big char and I just could not help wondering how kh managed to elevate his status in just one day. You could practically see question marks above our heads as kh gleamed with pride.

Haha...


wk kor kor had an elevation in status too


All along they were bullying him. The next moment, he became papa lion and the 2 baby lions listened to his every command. By then, question marks were above cyn, big char, kh and my heads.


At the airport















Even though, we were quite a distance apart with the glass dividing us, I could hear the kids shouting,

"Byebye Godma Jolene!!!"

I wonder how loud they shouted for me to be able to hear that.

And Charlene sms-ed me to say that the kids had been asking why weren't Uncle kh and Godma Jolene on the plane as well.

Hahaha... wished we could be there too!

Our feisty princess will come back victorious!

I'm confident she would. Look at how feisty she is.